It's a good excuse...

We have been experiencing major laptop drama, which started with a busted power cord (we're on cord number 5 or 6, I forget which) and ending with a dodgy laptop power cord and a supplier who's unwilling to exchange it.  What a pain in the backside!

That being said, I have very little to blog about.  Life is good--moving along at a rather plodding pace with a few manic days sandwiched in for good measure.  Dylan is still loving school, Edith is still sweet and struggling to speak, Martin still works obscenely long hours, and I still just take care of everybody.

So what has happened in the last two weeks?  Well, Dylan had tonsillitis.  Now Edith has some sort of infection.  I had a bad week--only went to the gym one time last week--but am back on track with the exercise.  We've booked a mini-holiday for the Easter break from school (Dylan's off for nearly a month!) and will be spending two nights and three days near Windermere in the Lake District.  We're also going to go to the temple.  Oh, and Christine's coming with us.  Should be fun.

Got the news that Dad (the Cook one, not the Bowcutt one) is going to stop by on his way home from Kiev.  We're all looking forward to that.  I'm going to put him to work in my garden and on a gas appliance that needs removing.  And I'll have company in the evenings!

We had some family photos taken.  Some of them turned out pretty nice, and I'll be posting a few when I get a chance.  The kids look fab in them.

Edith has learned how to saw "very hot."

I got some more gardening done.

It's a thrilling life I lead.

I've had some strange dreams and even stranger thoughts as a result of those dreams, but I am still trying to sort those thoughts out. 

You're wrong...

Ok, so I know that some of you moms out there think you have the cutest children in the world.  Well, sorry to break it to you but you are wrong.  MINE are the cutest.  Check out a few of the pictures from our walk in Twigmoor Woods last weekend.

Dylan is just male perfection, with his sturdy little body and long, lean frame.  And those eyes--he's a heartbreaker in the making.

Edith, well, she is my flawless Victorian English rose.  Her tiny little body and those pixie fetures of hers!  Those big grey-green eyes and her beautiful red hair.  Oh my, she's going to break a few hearts of her own.

The best part is, not only are they physically beautiful, but they are lovely on the inside as well.  One of my chief joys in life is watching their personalities develop.  They are both so unique and wonderful in their own way, and they both add so much to our little family.

Dylan was playing with a friend for most of the day today, so it was just me and Edith.  We had a great time together, but we were certainly happy to have him back.  Our family just wouldn't be complete without both of them around.  The two of them make me happier than anybody else in this whole world.

A Walk in Twigmoor Woods...

Ummm...

I SO had something to post about earlier, but it's gone now.

They say you lose brain cells with each child you have (I totally support this theory). It's a good job Martin has refused to have any more kids, or I would have no brain cells left!

Dylan is going on an outing with school on Friday.  They're taking his class to St. Mary's church and they are going to "christen" a doll.  It should be pretty fun for him.  AND he has been invited to go to the Fun Forest with his friend Kai on Saturday.  My little baby boy is growing up so fast.  School trips, outings with friends, he'll be dating before I know it.

Edith is talking a little bit better every day.  Last weekend she mastered "wait," and she is absolutely brilliant with "up" and "hey."  We were out in the garden this morning, and what really amazed me was how perceptive she is.  That girl notices seriously everything.  Birds flying so high in the sky that I can hardly see them, dogs barking a few streets over, EVERYTHING!

I'll get some pictures up soon of our walk in Twigmoor Wood.  We had such a good time.  I decided that we would do something fun every weekend.  We just have to do it without Martin.  I can manage both kids on my own a lot easier now, so there is no reason not to.  And if he starts to feel left out, well, maybe he'll start taking the occasional Saturday off.

I'm not holding my breath.

A productive lunch hour...

So yesterday was a tough day, physically speaking, especially.

In the morning I did a gruelling workout.  While I was at the gym, Martin took the kids on a manure hunt.  We needed some "bulky organic material" for our borders in the back garden, and I had heard a rumor that a lady near Barton gave it away for free.  The poop hunt was on.

Result!

So while Dylan was at school and Edith was napping, I dug some horse manure into the flower beds, fertilized them with fish, blood and bone, and re-seeded the grass.

My body really hurts right now.

But man, you should see how beautiful the soil in my borders looks.  We just need one more bag of manure so I can finish the long border off.  Then I can sow some peas directly into the soil.  Dylan and I already planted tomatoes and pumpkins and marigolds in pots, which are sitting on the windowsill in the kitchen, just waiting for warmer weather.

I've got big plans for the garden this year.  Last year was just all about getting it decent.  This year is all about making it look beautiful.

I remember all the work we did at my parents' house in Nephi to get that garden beautiful and productive.  My favorite tasks by far were picking up rocks (used as a punishment for "naughty" behavior) and shovelling the yearly trailer full of turkey manure onto the soil.  At least dad had the tiller so we didn't have to dig all that in by hand.  It's kind of a back-breaking job, and that is a big ol' garden.

It's funny, because I used to hate yard work.  Now, it's a welcome break from housework.  And there's something soothing about taming nature and making it work for you.  I guess it appeals to the control freak in me.  And there's something very satisfying about planting some seeds and watching them grow.  The only thing better is planting those seeds and then later eating the fruits of the harvest.

I think I could totally dig being a farmer. 

We're having a tough week with the kids.  Edith is getting teeth (the last ones before her molars) and she is really ratty.  She wants pretty much constant cuddles, and it's a bit tiresome.  Dylan is just doing that normal toddler thing and testing all his boundaries, limits and rules this week.  Plus, he is being really insolent to his dad.  He doesn't speak that way to me, but Martin is a bit of a soft touch.  He may or may not get his mouth washed out with soap before the week is over.  I really don't like disciplining my children, but it's better to do it now and have them be decent people when they get to be teenagers, right?

Martin had to work on Sunday so he has today off instead.  Hooray!  I need to go wake him up.  Time to get another giant bag of poop...

Anger...

I don't lose my temper often.

No, really.  I don't!

I used to be angry a lot--mostly before I had kids.  My two little angels have really mellowed me out, because I was mostly angry about not being able to have children.

But boy, when I do get angry I don't do it by half.

I don't shout.  I don't throw things.  I don't swear at people.  I don't hit my kids.

I do work very efficiently.  I DO get very quiet.

I learned a long time ago that it is best for me to keep my anger inside.  When I am truly angry, I don't have a reliable social filter.  I say truly horrible things.  Things that are horribly true.  Some people say that you shouldn't bottle it all inside.  But I know that my temper burns white-hot for a very short time.  Grudges don't happen when I get angry.  Grudges happen when I say things in anger to other people.

It's been very quiet at my house lately, and I'm totally caught up on the ironing.

But today was full of fun and laughter, and dancing with my babies.  And I have a feeling that the housework is going to suffer for a little while.

On why I am turning into a gym freak...

Two women are responsible for my gym-freakishness, in an indirect sort of way.

I know this is going to sound slightly neurotic, but we all need to let our crazy out every once in a while, right?  Here we go...

One of my neighbor's partner left her.  Well, her and her two 13 month old twins.  Just came home from work one Friday night, said he wasn't happy any more, packed a suitcase, and left.  She didn't hear from him for absolutely ages, and got stuck with no job, no money, no man, and two kids to care for.  Did she give in?  Well, maybe a little bit, but only for a few months.  Now, two years later, she is fighting fit, sassy, and absolutely gorgeous.

And another acquaintence, she has two older kids and her marriage was kind of on the rocks.  She had another baby, maybe in an attempt to save her marriage.  I really couldn't say.  But her husband left when the baby was just a few weeks old, and she fell to pieces.  But only for a little while.  Then she picked up the pieces and got herself together.  Now she is dressing all cute, she got her driving license, a new job, and she's so happy.

I think both of these women let themselves go.  Then the men in their lives left them.  I think there's a reason that you call it "letting yourself go" when you stop caring.

Letting yourself go isn't just about putting on some weight and not doing your hair and make-up.  Letting yourself go is about forgetting who you were before you were married with children.  It really is letting go of yourself and forgetting all the things that you used to love to do and the friends you used to have.  And when you let yourself go, well, it seems like the man in your life lets you go as well.

I used to be totally confident in my marriage to Martin.  I know that he loves me, and I know that he loves the kids.  But I used to know that he loved me more than anyone else and why on earth wouldn't he?  Now, well, I'm starting to be that paranoid woman who is worried that she can't keep her man.  I think I've let myself go, and in more than just the physical sense.

So here I am slaving away at the gym at least 4 times a week, trying to re-gain a sense of who I am.  Trying to get myself back together BEFORE I lose my man.  So I can stay happy and confident and not lose my family.  Because the thing is, once these two women's partners left them, they found themselves.  They became the women that they were before.  I want to become the woman that I was so I can keep my happy marriage and be happy with myself as well.

Not that I am suggesting that Martin and I are struggling.  I still adore him, and still think that marrying him is the best thing I ever did.  Truth be told, we don't see each other often enough to be struggling.  But a few months ago a "friend" of mine suggested that Martin might be straying, and my old neurosis reared it's ugly head.  I thought that if she was seeing this, maybe I wasn't crazy for thinking these thoughts after all. 

It's not him.  It's me.  It's always me.

But my gym addiction can't do any harm.

Two milestones in as many days...

Dylan drew a tree yesterday.

Ok, so I know that doesn't seem very exciting, but it's the first time he's drawn an abstract  visual representation of something that actually exists.  AND he wrote his name next to it.  The tree is actually pretty amazing, and the writing attempt pretty dismal.  But I am seriously excited that he did both.  This is a fairly major developmental milestone.  Art as representation of the world around us is what distinguishes us from cavemen.  My son can think in a sophisticated way!

And Edith, not to be left behind, has started doing something amazing as well.  Most of you probably know that she is a very slow talker compared to her big brother.  He was speaking in (totally intelligible) full sentences by the time he was 22 moonths, and she mostly just babbles.  But she can fill in the end words of "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe..."  Some of the words aren't totally clear, but she says them consistently.  Which only confirms my suspicion that she has been speaking all along--we just can't understand her!  But she gets a little clearer and a little better every day.  I can't wait for her to be able to speak properly, because I have a feeling that she has some pretty funny things to say!

(BTW, I wrote most of this post yesterday but couldn't publish it because we are having issues with our laptop power cord--again!)

It's official...

After over 4 years of being either pregnant or breastfeeding a child, I am done.

Edith has been off the "mama milk" for a full week now.  She still cries and asks me to feed her (in jibberish), but I am so finished.

Dylan is on his half term break from school and I am trying to make sure we do something fun every day, just because we can.  On Monday we went to Doncaster and took the kids swimming at the Dome.  It's our favorite pool ever.  Then today, Christine and I took the kids to The Deep.  Tomorrow we will go to Normanby Hall if the weather is nice.  Thursday is currently free, but Friday is the Ward activity night and Saturday will probably be a visit to the 20/21 gallery in Scunthorpe and maybe the Pink Pig Farm.

I'm tired already!

Wordless Wednesday...

Wordless Wednesday...

Still a regular gym bunny...

Well, it's February and the eating habits/gym habit are still going strong.  Maybe now I'm not just a deluded New Years health fanatic and people can start taking my exercise regime seriously?

I can now run a mile in just 6 minutes 37 seconds. Not in real life, mind you.  Only on the cross trainer. But it sure beats my mandatory one-mile high school run time of about 9 minutes 54 seconds (I can't even begin to tell you how many times I faked an asthma attack to get out of that run.  I LOATHE running).  I'm pretty proud of that mile time, even if it is in an artificial environment and I am totally knackered afterwards.

I have increased my weight and reps on most of the machines I use, and have moved to free weights for my biceps and triceps.  My upper body is starting to look good, but it gets a little bit scary right around my belly button.  That will take more hard work and some surgery to correct.

I'm still waiting for that extra energy that supposedly comes from working out.  I'm still just tired.  But I feel happier. I'm still not happy with my body, but I'm satisfied that I'm doing something about it.

Random things on my mind

Must move the fruit basket to a higher place as Edith now knows how to peel oranges.

I can't believe Dylan let me cut his fingernails and toenails last night without kicking up a fuss.

Why are the keys on my laptop keyboard sticking again???

Haven't seen any snowdrops yet.  Odd.

Heehee, Amy noticed that Martin has gained weight.  On his waist.  And she called it "a lot of weight."

7 lbs. isn't that much...

Can't wait to get my hair done on Thursday.  Hope the stupid receptionist isn't there so I can ask Sarah if that girl has been given a job out of pity or what.

Ugh, church tomorrow.  Can't wait for toddler wrestling.

Wonder if they'll give me a new calling.

Last night's lasagna was so good.  Would have been even better if I'd had icecream afterwards.  Being "good" really sucks.

Glee is repeated on a Saturday night, and I've got it set to record now.  Whew, can't wait to watch it on Sunday night.

Oooh, and play Guitar Hero with Martin, too. 

I wish it was 7pm Sunday already!

Told Dylan we could go to the Deep today--wonder if I can get out of it or if he remembers??  Guess I should take them anyway.  Blast!

That laundry's not going to do itself.

Sure would be nice if I wasnt' the only person in the house who knew how to work the washing machine and dryer.

Dorothy and Danny Rushton are both on Facebook.  And Danny's MARRIED now!

It sure is hard to get out of bed in the mornings when all my last dreams seem to be about family members.  I just want to hang out with the fam in dreamland!

Time to go get my husband out of bed!

Growing up...

So yesterday Edith did something amazing.  For the first time she put two words together to form a simple sentence.  Want to hear what it was?

"Nanna's eyes."

Ok, so it was actually a fragment.  But still...

She calls glasses "eyes," so it only makes sense if you speak her little language, but it was still really exciting.  This is such a major language development milestone, and she is hitting it at about the same age that Dylan did.  So even though she doesn't know as many words and speak as well as he did at this age, she is developing at about the same pace. 

Did that make any sense?  I don't know--I'm so tired!

Regardless, I'm thrilled that she's developing normally and is getting so much better at talking.  And her singing, well, she's miles ahead of Dylan in that department.

Funny story, actually.  Last Sunday when we were singing the opening hymn in church, Edith climbed up onto the pew between me and Martin, pinched his hymnal, and started singing her heart out.  Heads were turning. 

She loves to sing, and she loves to do "grown-up" things.  She's not going to be my little baby for much longer.

That was totally "Wicked"...

So my birthday was pretty much amazing.  My saintly mother-in-law spent two days and one night at my house, playing guardian to my beautiful children, while Martin whisked me away to London.  We spent the night and saw Wicked at the ApolloVictoria theatre in the West End.  It was amazing--loved every second!

I got some very nice gifts--a new handbag, my favorite shade of lipstick, an adorable ring that Dylan picked out all by himself, and a pizza stone.  Oh, and did  mention that I got to go see Wicked in the West End?

So here I am, 32 years old.  Where has the time gone?  I feel absolutely ancient, but this damp and gray English climate means that I still don't have any wrinkles.  That's pretty good news, at least.  And my kids keep me young.

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes.  We've all settled back down to normalcy now, and it is strangely nice and comforting. I love going away, but I love coming home even more.  I missed the kids terribly while we were away, and was in heaven when we got back and Martin and I were practically smothered in cuddles and kisses.

In routine news, I have been released from my church calling teaching the youth.  I'm sad that I won't be teaching them any more, but am looking forward to a new calling soon.  Martin is working different hours now--a split shift every day but Saturday, when he's there all day long.  It's not any more hours at work, really.  Just different.  Edith is now picking up the pace with learning to speak and has a vocabulary of approximately 30 words.  She's not been as quick as Dylan at learning to talk, but she is a great communicator all the same.  Dylan has started drawing pictures for me while he's at school and is becoming a really good helper around the house.

Anyway, I'm exhausted and it's bath then bed over here.  Just wanted to do a quick update for the fam.

Nighty night!

Heartbreaking...

Apparently, there are some kids from church who don't like playing with Dylan.

A friend told me this the other day, and it's been bothering me ever since then.  She said that they don't like playing with him because he hits them. Admittedly, he DID go through a rather prolonged hitting phase. He's grown out of it now, but they haven't played together very much since then because of Martin's job and all of them being in school now.  So the boys think that Dylan still hits a lot, I guess.

Anyway, when she told me this I had the most irrational response in the world.  I immediately jumped to the defense of my child, and though knowing that they don't like to play with him doesn't bother Dylan at all, I got all hurt and offended for him. I had to stop myself from mentioning all the things that are "wrong" with her children, even though I actually think they are really good kids.  In fact, that is probably why this bothers me so much.

I pride myself on being rational (most of the time), so you can imagine my surprise when I reacted this way.  I guess it's just more proof that having kids makes me crazy.

I just want everyone in the world to think my child is perfect and see how wonderful he is.  If I'm honest with myself, I can see his flaws and faults.  In fact, I'm perfectly willing to discuss them with Martin.  We know he's high maintenance.  He likes attention.  He's demanding and bossy.  But to hear someone else mention his negative qualities and suggest he wasn't an angel really hurt me.

So stupid!

I just need to get over it. 

And I will.

Best girlie day ever!

Yesterday was my friend Noelle's "hen do."  She is getting married in just 4 weeks, and I am so excited for her and her fiance, Richard.  They are such nice people, and such a great couple.  Since Noelle is Mormon (just like me)she doesn't drink and didn't want a boozy night out on the town.  So she organized her own hen day and we went to Harrogate to the Turkish baths and then to Betty's for tea.

Can I just say that the baths were frickin' AMAZING?!  Totally Google harrogate turkish baths and look at their website.  We showered, steamed, went in the plunge pool (which was truly icy) and then into a series of hot rooms.  There were 10 of us in our party at the baths, and we all got sweaty and purified our skin together while we shared a good gossip.  Then the gossip continued at Betty's where we were joined by 4 more women.  Very civilized and posh!

There was only one downside, and it was that I got home so much later than anticipated--about 2 hours later.  But Martin was home, and I kept him updated (with Emma's phone, since I left mine home.  Thanks, Emma!) and he was pretty cool with it.  I missed bed time, which made me kind of sad.  But not enough so to ruin my euphoria.

Seriously, mom you need to come over for another visit so we can go to the baths in Harrogate.  I think you'd really enjoy them!  Or any of my friends or sisters, as well.  Really good time, and I'd like to share it with everyone I know.

von Willebrand's...

Lightening quick update in which I will make a long story short:

Neither Martin nor I have von Willebrand's disease.  Dylan's condition wasn't passed down by either one of us--it just happened all on it's own.  Not common, but notthat unusual.

Either that or Martin isn't really his father.

You decide.

: )

Weird...

I had my induction at the gym last night, and it was enlightening.

First of all, I don't think the fitness instructor really believed me when I said I used to work out all the time, until we got to the machines and she was making sure I knew how to use all of them.  Then, she told me that my technique was perfect.  Ha--told you so!

I have a very quick program on weights to do, and I flew through it after the induction so that I could get home in time for dinner. I figured out my own weight limits on all the machines, and it was really interesting. I haven't worked out in a gym for about 5 years now, butI still remember what I was lifting before.  My cardiovascular fitness is pretty pants.  I managed about 5 minutes on the cross-trainer and 3 minutes rowing, and I was shattered.  I'll have to work my way up on those machines.  My core strength is pretty good, even after two kids and not enough crunches.  My lower body is still pretty strong.  Seriously, I was pleasantly surprised. But my upper body--woah!  Bicep curls were pathetic!  I kept having to decrease my weight, and felt like a total weakling.  So when I moved to triceps, I started at the same weight.  But, strangely enough, my triceps are really quite strong.  I guess it must have something to do with the way I pick up and carry the kids.

The strangest thing is how much I enjoyed being at the gym.  I used to go 5 times a week when I was in college, and I went quite a bit when I lived in Cedar City and worked out 3 times a week when we lived in Grimsby.  It never felt like anything but hard work. But I've missed being nicely sore, and I've missed the body that results from lots of work at the gym.  Last night at the gym was a real pleasure though, and I think it's because I was there doing something for myself.

I spend all of my time taking care of my children and my family.  I take care of all their physical needs, and once the kids are in bed I am on my own and spend that time taking care of the house.  Everybody is cared for, except for me.  It's past time that I started taking care of myself as well.  And going to the gym to work out is totally self-indulgent.  It benefits nobody but me--totally selfish, but in a good way.  It gives me 45 minutes to an hour with no kids and nobody to think about but myself.  It's a treat, because it's "me time."  I could seriously become a gym junkie again!

On a completely unrelated note:

Yesterday, when we were picking Dylan up from school, I was thinking about when Edith first started walking.  She was desperate to walk everywhere, because she had been watching Dylan run around for ages.  The first time she walked up to Stables to see Martin, she was so excited!  Dylan has a wall that he balances on and stairs and a ramp he walks up (and down) every time we go, and Edith was squealing with excitement the first time she got to go up those stairs.  She is always so anxious to do the things that Dylan does.  I have a feeling that it could pose a problem later in life.  She seems to be in a real hurry to grow up.  But it's so adorable right now!

Success...or at leastthe startof it!

In regards to my non-resolution this year, I have drastically changed my diet (but in a nice and manageable way) and have exercised every day for the last week.  At least 30 minutes of cardio every night and, for the past few days, a pretty gruelling 20 minutes on my exercise ball.  Result?  A loss of, giveor take a few ounces, 2 lbs.

That's pretty good for 1 week. Of course, the real challenge is sustainability.  Is my will to get healthy strong enough to overcome my desire for a night parked out on the sofa eating crisps and drinking non-diet Dr. Pepper?

I've joined the gym, so hopefully that will help.  I'll be exercising in the morning, which is something I've never done before, because that's when Martin is home and can watch the kids.  There are a few classes I'm interested in, but I think I'll mostly be doing elliptical machine and free weights for my upper body.  Lower body is covered with my home workout of step aerobics and gym ball.

I'm chasing the burn, and have caught it.  You only know it's working if you're in pain, right?  But it's good pain--muscle soreness that only comes from a good workout.  Tightness that is temporary because of overworked muscles, but could become permanent if I work hard enough.

So here's to having better muscle tone and less baby-belly fat.

Oh, and the kids and Martin are doing fine.  Martin really enjoyed sitting on the sofa eating chocolate cream cake and stollen, drinking his Dr. Pepper, checking his e-mails, and watching me work out last night.  Stables is closed for  refurbishment and he's going to have some extra days off because of it.  But yesterday he went golfing and tonight he's going out with the people from work for their belated Christmas party.  I'm still not going to be seeing him!  But he'll be here for the kids' bath and bed time tonight, and we'll have a few nights together after that. 

Dylan keeps saying the most adorable things, like the other night when we dessert.  He said, "I love bananas and custard.  They are really special to me."  He started "big boy" Primary at the new year, and is doing really well.  He comes home and tells us the stuff that he's learned, and it always makes me smile. I'm so proud of my smart little man!

And Edith, well, it looks like she is finally growing out of some of her clothes.  She's not getting any bigger around the middle, of course.  Just taller.  She's going to be built a lot like her daddy, lucky girl!  She's a very girly girl, and loves doing her hair and make-up.  We moisturize our faces together every morning and she loves wearing perfume.  She has also started taking a real interest in drawing, which is something Dylan never did.  She has been coloring on everything, including my walls.

Well, time to wake Martin up.  I hope you all have a good day.  I'm sure I will.  Healthy food, brisk walking (to CV Day Spas for a free blow dry, to take Dylan to school and pick him up again), Martin's company, Edith's 2 hour nap, and lashings of peppermint tea.