Jobs I hate doing for no particular reason...

1. Putting dishes away

2. Putting clean laundry away

3. Filling the car up with petrol

4. Making packed lunches for the kids

5. Ironing mens' clothes

5. Changing the kids' bed linens

6. Cleaning the windows

7. Taking out the garbage

8. Going through old newspapers and/or junk mail

9. Defrosting the fridge

10. Putting away groceries

Wow, this list makes it seem like I hate being a housewife.

Hmmm...

Handsome Dylan

Easter egg hunt at St. Nicholas' church in Ulceby


King of the castle!


Big tough guy with a fat lip. Awww...


Class picture day at ~Castledyke School.

My Angel...

Getting some love from mom and dad!


Learning how to apply blush--or not...


On class picture day at Castledyke School.


Daisy chain at the Humber Bridge Country Park.

What we've been up to lately (in pictures)

So we started out with this in our dining room--a lovely piece of furniture, but a bit dark and dated for my taste.


I painted the dining room walls white, then chose a very bright color to brighten things up. A bit of sanding and a whole lot of painting later, and I had this!


Edith helped me pick out some wallpaper to back the cabinet, and my very clever husband did the papering (with some "help" from the kids)


And this is how my dining room looks now. Nearly finished--just need to paint the light fixture bright blue and find some artwork to go on the wall.

Do you love it as much as I do?

We went to Twigmoor woods today,because it is half term and the rhododendron are blooming. It was so amazing,and the outing rescued the kids from my foul mood. I was reminded today of why I wanted to move to England in the first place. And why I wanted to have children, as well. Because Because England is beautiful,and so is motherhood!

I just found it...

My answer. In the scriptures.

3rd Nephi 22:4

It's been a long time coming!

Blah...

My asthma has flared up. Edith shared her cold germs with me and Martin. Generous, no? She's all heart. Or, as she would say, "oh-l haaaht." My lungs are currently full of gunk and feel like someone is scraping them with a crochet hook every time I cough.

But in other news, we are doing great.

Edith is riding her bike like a champion now, though still with training wheels. Dylan got a bike today. He's not nearly as good as his sister (he also has training wheels), but he's getting better. I see long, peaceful bike rides in our future.

Hah, yeah right!

Dylan finally passed his non-swimmers course at the pool. He swam 10 meters without stopping. Martin and I were so incredibly proud. He's got two more weeks in the non-swimmers class, then he is moving up.

I had a seriously proud moment this week as well. I re-wired the plug for my hand-held vacuum cleaner. A first for me. It was just as good as the time that I fixed the adjusting lever on the front seat of our old Buick. Oh yeah, I am a strong and independent woman, and I don't need a man.

But I have needed my man this week. Martin's been working some more on the ceilings in the stair well. It's a job I am completely incapable of doing on my own. It's looking amazing. Going slowly, but at least it's getting done.

I've also been doing some painting. The dining room is nearly all white now, and it looks really good. It's amazing, how a few shades make such a difference. It's lighter, brighter, and definitely more clean looking. Cream is all well and good, but it does make your walls look just a bit nicotine stained.

The kids and I did a garden tidy this morning. Luckily, BEFORE the freak hailstorm. Things are looking good in the house. We're going to be putting it back on the market as soon as Martin finishes the ceilings. Fingers crossed...

Nothing else is really going on. Well, other than the fact that I've recently been feeling very happy about motherhood, and it's freaking me out. That's a topic that I'll probably broach on my personal blog though, and certainly not this close to American mother's day.

merry men in spades...

...but no Robin Hood.

Yes, that's right. We spent the day in Sherwood forest. Wrap your American heads 'round that. Robin Hood and his merry men, the Sheriff of Nottingham, and snatches of Disney songs running through my head all day long. I got some fabulous pictures, which I will post as soon as I download them to the computer. There was even a medieval May Day celebration going on, for Pete's sake. It was a day straight out of a Hollywood movie.

Every once in a while we go somewhere or do something which reminds me of how utterly cool it is that I live in England. Today was definitely one of those days!

Golden...

The view of Martin, standing on a ladder, balanced on a scaffolding plank that is laid across another ladder and resting on the stairs. SCARY!

This has been the longest stretch of good days I've had all year.

Life has been busy, and wonderful. We've been doing school runs, workouts, therapy sessions, DIY, book club, housework, birthday parties, swimming lessons, the lot!

Therapy was pretty intense this week. My anger issues under control for the time being, we are moving on to my intimacy issues. This week we discussed my religion and the guilt that I still struggle with because of it. I'm going to have a little chat with my bishop soon. Not about any unresolved transgressions or anything sordid like that. I just need to understand church policy on some matters and talk with him about the circumstances in which various disciplinary methods are used. It should be interesting. Martin is freaking out about me seeing him. I think he's worried that I will leave the church over this or something. To be honest, it worries Debbie a little bit, too. She is always very careful not to undermine my religious beliefs. But I feel as though it's something that I really need to do in order to move on. I don't think there's any danger of my leaving the church, though it could make for a rough patch. But I swore to myself that I would do whatever it took to finally be free of my rape and the results of it. I'll take a rough patch, if it means that I will be whole at the end of it.

Killer session aside, it really has been a great week. Thanks in great part to some wonderful ladies. I have been making a real effort to be more social lately, and have potentially increased my small circle of friends by two. You may see their names from time to time, so a brief introduction. Ali is a friend from church. She is single and has no children. She's currently training to be a paramedic. She's hopelessly messed up, just like me, and that makes her a great listener and shoulder to cry on. Plus, she's totally amazing. Helen is a new friend from yoga. She recently moved here from Canada, and she is older than me, but artistic, intelligent, and has a great sense of humor. She also came to book club this week, and I'm hoping she's going to turn out to be a good friend. Fingers crossed.

Book club--yeah, that was when this happy glow started. I was sitting on my living room floor because all the seats were taken. I was surrounded by a group of amazing women. I don't have a great deal in common with some of them, but I genuinely like and respect them all. I know I could turn to them if I ever needed anything. Even though we don't share all our hopes and dreams with each other, I sat there and realized that they were all my friends. A whole room full of people. And I realized how very blessed I am in my life right now.

The kids have been absolutely wonderful, too. They have behaved themselves every time we've gone out in public. They're doing well in school. They have been playing together, and saying the strangest and most interesting things to each other. We've had lots of cuddles and plenty of playing together, plus they've been helping me around the house. Of course, we've also had a few bad days. But they are outnumbered by the good ones. It's been a while since that happened.

Stuff is getting done on the house. Martin has been patching the ceiling plaster in our stair wells, and he is nearly ready to paint. That's the last part of our house that hasn't been "done." Everything else is purely cosmetic after this--just a bit of spit polishing. I know we aren't selling the house right now, and that's frustrating. But every time we complete another project I feel as though we're that much closer to moving back home.

This happiness is freaking me out. I feel almost like I'm high. But in a really good and completely natural way!

Perfect, though somewhat surreal, day...

Took the kids to Pearson's Park in Hull today, while Martin did some work at Larkin's for his boss. We had a great time, Martin took longer than expected, and I was nearly late for my Life Drawing session in Scunthorpe. I was furious, but managed to cool down and apologize for snapping at him. Fifteen minutes or so of anger, but the rest of the day was amazing!

The kids went out with their Nanna, Martin went to work, and I did some serious art practice. Everybody won. Except for Martin. Poor guy!

Christine took the kids to a place called Rushmoor Country Park. They got to feed lambs, hold a three week old rabbit, and see some little chinchillas that were born on Edith's birthday. They also got icecream and Malteasers. I'm not sure who had more fun--Christine or the kids.

Meanwhile, at the 20/21 Gallery, I attended my first ever nude life drawing session. And I discovered something unexpected--I am a little bit of a prude.

The model was an older man, about 65 or so. There were seven of us doing the session, and he was wearing a burgundy colored velour dressing gown until we were all ready to start. Then he shucked off his robe at the side of the room and walked nonchalantly to the center of the room. Naked as the day he was born.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the first time I have seen a naked man other than my husband for over a decade. Let me tell you, it was completely bizarre. Almost as bizarre as how comfortable that man was with his own nudity. I was seriously blown away by how unconcerned he was that his junk was flapping in the breeze in a room full of strangers.

So yeah, nudity is not that casual to me. Nudity is a big deal. Nearly nude, meh. Completely starkers, you had better be my husband or child! I almost felt insulted (on his behalf) that nobody thought his nudity was a big deal.

Of course, then I got over it and spent the next hour and 55 minutes scrutinizing his musculature and bone structure as I sketched him.

An amazing two hours. I was working my tail off, and I am horrifically rusty. But the time flew by all the same, and I left that session with the most amazing buzz. I didn't think that my drawings were any good while I was doing them, but when I got them home and showed them to my mother-in-law, I realized that they are actually quite good. Considering.

Incidentally, when I told the kids that I had been drawing a naked man, they thought it was HILARIOUS!

So then it was dinner, a bike ride (where I found some yarn in a skip and got me a freebie--score!), bath and bed.

It's amazing, how staring intently at a naked old guy for two hours made me so happy. But I'm not going to over-analyze. I'm just going to say that after today I feel more like myself. More fulfilled. Content.

And I haven't even been tempted to dig at my skin tonight!

This feels like the calm before the storm...

I have been strangely content lately. Nothing's really changed. The kids are still the kids, Martin's job is just the same as always, I spend most of my time alone. And yet...

We had a great time while the kids were off school. There were a few days that were tough, for sure, but I was actually a little sad to see them back at school. First time ever.

My temper seems to be under control now. I still get angry and frustrated, but I am dealing with the anger when it occurs instead of holding it in until I explode. I'm sure the Prozac is helping quite a bit (mostly because the changes happened when I started taking it in the morning instead of at night), but it might be because I'm learning and changing.

And yet, part of me doesn't trust this new-found calm. I'm afraid that it's only a matter of time until I lose this control and things slip back to the way they were before. I don't want to go back there!

The other night I started feeling a bit snappish with the kids. It was the first time in nearly three weeks. I got through the evening, tucked them into bed, came downstairs and picked the crap out of my skin on my face and arms. Then I downed a pint of Ben and Jerry's and consoled myself with a night on the sofa. So I'm not taking it out on the kids--I'm punishing myself for getting angry and then trying to make myself feel better. Not healthy.

But at least I'm not doing them any harm. I'm already messed up--the damage is done. I'd ten times rather harm myself than harm my children!

DO instead of BE

I'm reading "How To Be A Woman" by Caitlin Moran at the moment. Most of the people I know don't have a clue who she is (sadly). She is a Times columnist (London, not Nephi) and TV personality, and I totally have a girl crush on her. I just wish her book wasn't QUITE so sweary, or I would recommend it for book club. It is such a great read.

Anyway, she considers herself to be a feminist. Not in the 1960's sense of the word, with all of those negative connotations, but a "modern" feminist. She poses an interesting "test" to see if you are a feminist as well:

Put your hand in your pants.

1) Do you have a vagina?

2) Do you want to be in charge of it?

If you answered yes to both of those questions, congratulations. You are a feminist.

(Sorry for saying "vagina," Dad and Grandma Lofley)

She poses some interesting questions about our perception of woman, now and throughout history. I've been doing some thinking and re-evaluating, and that can only be a good thing. Currently, this is what I've been thinking about the most:

Men go out and "do." Women tend to stay in and "be." Our lives are very much internal, and we define ourselves by who we are, rather than what we do. So we over think everything. We become introspective and slightly neurotic.

Guilty!

So I've decided that for one night only, I will focus on what I do. Not analyze it to death. Not go all introspective about things, and wonder what it says about me as a person that I prefer reading a book to playing at the park with my kids and just focus on the fact that I brought them there to play and I look up when they call for me.

Hmm, it's a bit refreshing already.

Today has been lovely. It was about 10 degrees (celcius) outside, so the kids and I ventured out with warm jackets instead of coats. Bliss! Got some fresh air, fed the ducks at Water's Edge, had lunch at McDonald's, watched a movie together, had drinks at Stables, enjoyed a short book and a cuddle at bed time, finished the book of Jacob in the Book of Mormon, and just generally enjoyed each others' company. And though introspective Jamie would wonder why she still didn't feel like a good mother despite devoting all that time to the kids, action-focused Jamie realizes that we spent the whole day together, didn't argue, didn't go hungry, had a good time, got some educational AND spiritual junk in there, and that the kids went to bed tired, happy, and well-loved. I don't care who you are, that is a successful day!

So yeah, No-tech Tuesday. An idea ripped off from the Mundays, and we've had two successful goes. Basically, it is exactly what it sounds like. Every Tuesday, we do not use any technology for entertainment purposed. The exception to the rule is that we CAN listen to music. No TV, no Kindle, no games on phones, no Wii. And the kids don't even ask us, because they know the answer is no. It is seriously nice to have one day a week without all the noise and distraction of technology. The first week we made Easter eggs together. This week we went up to the Mundays and the kids played a board game while Emma and I had a visit. It just feels so wholesome and good!

Edith will get an entire post dedicated just to her for her birthday, because she is that special. But not on introspection-free night. I'm going to go DO something. Just as long as it doesn't involve leaving the house...

The sun came out today...

Literally AND figuratively speaking.

The kids are on Easter holiday from school. Two weeks off seems like a long time when you love your kids but don't often like being a parent.

Wow, that sentence up there makes me seem like SUCH a bad person!

Anyway, I struggle with full on, non-stop motherhood for stretches longer than three days. School holidays aren't something I typically look forward to. But I think this one might be ok.

It's been a cold, snowy spring so far in England. Right now, it looks more like Utah in the spring. Everything is dead from the snow we had, and it's usually green all the time. We've been bundled up to our eyeballs every time we step out of the house, shivering in the mornings, scraping ice off the car windows. Just, blah!

But today it was actually warm. The sun was shining. There was a cold breeze, but if you were out of the wind you didn't need gloves on for the first time this year. It was blissful!

So this morning, before I went to yoga, I decided to hang the washing on the line. It's kind of funny, how doing such a mundane task makes me so happy. Especially if I am wearing a skirt and an apron to do it. But anyway, I was outside humming to myself and pegging washing up to dry, when I had the most brilliant moment of happiness. It was as though I had been working in a dark room, straining to see, and somebody switched on the lights. You know that moment in "The Wizard of Oz" when it switches from black and white to Technicolor? Yeah, it was just like that.

All of a sudden, the world seemed like a brighter and happier place. All because it was warm enough to line dry my clothes. Sad, huh? But such a great moment.

Of course, the feeling didn't last all day. But it did last long enough for me to only snap at the kids a few times before I got them in to bed. And now I get to enjoy some peace and quiet with my own company and a good book.

I'll blog about Edith's birthday, Easter, and our new "no tech Tuesdays" later this week, but right now I need to rinse the chemicals off my hair so it doesn't all fall out. That would probably seriously harsh my spring time buzz!

Regrets...

Sometimes, it doesn't occur to me to let other people do things.

Not like I won't let Martin do the dishes or I won't let my mother-in-law take the kids for an afternoon. I LOVE it when those things happen. I mean other things, like letting Dylan do the vacuuming after tidying up the front room. I taught him how to vacuum a few months ago, but haven't asked him to do it for me since then. I asked him to last week, and he was so excited to help out!

But worse was last Thursday when Edith asked Amy if she wanted to say the prayer. I told her I would say it, and she asked why Amy couldn't. I explained that Amy, who goes to the Church of England, doesn't say prayers the same way we do. She looked at me and said, "Of course I do. I've always wondered why you wouldn't let me say prayers at your house."

Wow!

Guess what? She said the bed time prayer that night. And from now on, any time one of the kids asks her if she wants to say the prayer, I'll sure let her.

It really made me wonder how often we fail to let people do the things that they would love to do. How often do we exclude people by doing what we think is the "nice" thing to do?

Amy has been having dinner in our home once a week for nearly three years now. I've missed out on three years worth of chances to make her feel loved and welcome in our home by praying with us and for us. Talk about regrets! But I'll do better from this day forward. And I'll be thankful that I've learned this lesson. After all, better late than never. Right?

The power of a good book

Edith is learning phonics, and it's amazing! I sat at KFC with her this afternoon (don't judge me, ok? Mama didn't want to do any cooking!) and made words with her fries. She was reading them, and it blew me away.

I felt the same way when Dylan learned to read. It will never cease to amaze me how quickly kids learn to read. I mean, think about what an abstract concept it is. There are marks on a page that arbitrarily represent sounds. We string them together to create words, though there aren't any hard and fast rules of pronunciation--at least, not with English. So you go from seeing marks on a page to reading War and Peace. Scribbles, to complex ideas. WOW!

This girl is going to be really smart. At first, I worried that she wouldn't be as smart as her big brother. Dylan is so intelligent it's scary. I still don't know if she'll be on par with him, because it's early yet. But she's no dummy. I love that my kids are bright and into books.

Dylan's reading is coming on brilliantly, as well. He's no longer reading "baby books," but has graduated to the big kid ones. His current book had 159 pages, and he loves it.

I'm having visions of long, sunny afternoons in the garden, all of us reading our own books.

Mmmmm...sounds like my idea of heaven!

Whirlwind day...

Seriously, where has the day gone? It was Edith's ballet lesson this morning, and hot chocolate and donuts for breakfast afterwards. Then it was cleaning up, making lunch (and dinner for later), eating, and dashing out to Scunthorpe. It was exchanging some stuff at Primark for the right size, going to the library, supervising the kids in making mother's day cards for me at the 20/21 gallery (mothering Sunday tomorrow). Then it was a quick snack, and off to the Speech and Drama festival trophy showcase. Home then, quick dinner, bath, and bedtime. Then a little tidy up, a Skype call with my mom (hi Mom), and lesson preparation. Now it's blogging, soon to be followed up by more tidying, reading, and bed. Hmmm, maybe I'll squeeze a little yoga in there as well.

Phew!

Got some thoughts brewing on forgiveness. They really belong on both blogs. But for now, I'd just like to leave this with all of you:

My Dylan

Today he participated in the Scunthorpe Speech and Drama Festival. He memorized a poem by Grace Nichols called "Don't Cry, Caterpiller," and recited it in front of a room full of people and a judge. He did it beautifully, and took first place out of 20 other children. He's going to be performing it at a concert on Saturday. Oh, I was so terribly proud of him!

In other Dylan news, he contributed the following items to a recent load of laundry:

A small plastic hedgehog, which he has named Charlotte.

Several notes from school.

A die cast model of a police cruiser.

Some Angry Birds trading cards.

The slug made it into that load without any help from Dylan whatsoever.

Sometimes being a housewife is the funniest job in the whole world. Gross, but funny!

Can of Worms...

Nearly finished with the stairs project--at least what I can do on it. Two of the 16 steps need to be replaced, and that is definitely a Martin job. But I applied the second coat of paint this evening, and they look mighty fine. It has yet to be decided if they will stay pure white. Martin is plumping for funky coloured risers. The jury's still out with me.

I've finally got my DIY momentum back, after a three month hiatus. I've just been feeling that urge to beautify my home. If I was pregnant, I'd think I was nesting. Maybe it's just that spring is happening all around me, and it makes me want to deep clean. Anyway, I'm thrilled that the desire is back. While it's here, I'm making a big push to get stuff done.

My can of worms is this:

I mixed up a batch of filler to repare some of the gaps between the walls and the base boards on the stairs this evening. I mixed up a bit too much, so I went on a little hunt to find any cracks throughout the house that needed filling. I don't think I'll ever be able to stop. My house is more cracks in the walls than it is walls. ARGH!

Now sure, I could just leave them. They've never really bothered me before. But now I've seen how much better it looks when they are filled, and there's no turning back. And, of course, filling the cracks means sanding and then painting as well. What have I done???

Tonight I was just going to work for about an hour. Instead, I worked for two and a half. It's good to get stuff done, but still...

In other news, we had parents' evenings for both kids this week. As usual, we were told that our children are very bright and well adjusted. Dylan is the top of his class in several subjects (but appears to be resting on his laurels at the monent) and Edith is part of a very small, select group of early readers. No, she's not reading yet. But she is learning phonics and beginning to spell very simple three letter words.

Martin is back at work after his (totally amazing) week off, and we all miss him. Especially me, because I love that man to distraction. His schedule is going to be strange for a few weeks because of English Mother's Day, and he's going to be pretty busy for that. They're getting closer to finishing off the upstairs function room at Stables, so that's something to look forward to. They had cocktail night last night, with live music. Fun, huh?

Bottom line is, we are all super busy, happy, and healthy (I don't think I'll ever stop using that silly Oxford comma). So don't worry about us, mom.

Now I need to go try and get some sleep while feeling totally high on paint fumes. Wish me luck.

Wheeeeeee...

Quickie!

My fingers are wrecked and it hurts to type, so I'll be brief.

REALLY busy couple of days over here. They went kind of like this;

Friday: Kids broke up for half term. We celebrated with fish and chips and a movie at home. NICE!

Saturday: Had a "screen free" day. Edith's ballet lesson, walk at Water's Edge, gardening, scooter ride, grocery shop, play at park, etc. Kids only took about 3 minutes to fall asleep. Me too!

Sunday: Church, of course. And Martin worked in the evening, so played single parent.

Monday: DIY marathon, took kids to the park, B&Q shop, more DIY, aquafit in the evening for me.

Tuesday: DIY marathon day (yes, again. Why do you think my fingers hurt?), took the kids to Normanby Hall (met the Mundays there--yay!), more DIY.

So the big project at the moment is the stairs. I am stripping the carpet off the top flight of stairs, then sanding, filling, and painting the steps. It's hard work, but the carpet is all gone and I've done all the sanding and filling. The painting is half done, as well. I would have finished it tonight, but I ran out of paint.

Martin is still working on building me that bed. He's nearly done. As a matter of fact, we should be sleeping in it tomorrow night. I am totally excited, because he's done such a great job on it. My husband is a man of many talents.

Tomorrow should be a good day as well. We are hoping to go to the temple, then we are all going to the football--Leeds v. Blackpool. I'm already tired, just thinking about it. But looking forward to it, all the same. Oh, and yoga. I also have yoga tomorrow.

So far, this has been a really nice half term break. Lets hope it stays that way!

Definitely NOT an "L.M"

As I was standing in the bathroom listening to a podcast about hypoallergenic cats with hair dye on my head and Nair on my arms and upper lip, it suddenly occured to me that for a woman who likes to look fairly natural, I'm actually pretty artificial and high maintenance.

Just a little food for thought...

In other news, I was bitten by the spring gardening bug today. Edith and I went out in the back yard and did a little bit of digging and weeding. It was actually pretty fun. It'll be nice when the days are long enough for me to go out in the back garden after the kids are in bed.