Gilberts' Fridge

On the difference between the Americans and the English…

I am starting to get a feel for why the Americans have such a bad reputation with the English. It comes in the wake of a chat I had with my boss—Alan. He pulled me in to the conference room to have a little talk a few days ago.

We were discussing the poor relationship I have with my Yorkshire co-worker, Yvonne. He had her make a list of all the “problems” she has with me. She had a whole page, single spaced and typed, of things that I was doing wrong.

Alan only went over three of them, saying that most of the stuff on the list was petty and stupid. That was a relief. Alan actually apologised to me for giving the impression that he was not satisfied with my work performance. After talking to both ladies in the office, re realised that I am actually doing quite a good job. I am still in line for the position should it become full time. Then we got to the fun stuff.

Apparently, Yvonne thinks I have an “attitude.” Alan assured me that he doesn’t think I do—I’m just an American, and that’s the perception of Americans. Yvonne just isn’t very well travelled and isn’t accustomed to the way Americans are. Interesting…

So basically, Yvonne thinks that I am cocky and arrogant, which really surprises me. I have been mulling it over for several days now, and have had conversations with a few people on the topic.

Sarah (the nice one at work) said that Americans come across as arrogant to the English because they have a lot of confidence. Apparently, generally speaking, we know what we want and are not afraid to ask for it. We are more outgoing, and that comes across as arrogance to people who are unused to that forwardness.

I can see the point—I really can. The irony is not lost on me, though, as I have less self confidence than most people I know. The thing is, even though that “attitude” is seen as arrogance by other people, I still think it’s a good thing.

The English are so very self effacing. They do not complain about things when they are going badly—they just shoulder on. Until they go home. At that point, they complain like crazy about things. They’ve even come up with a special term for it—“whinging.” They still complain just as much as Americans when things go wrong—but they don’t complain to the people who could change things! They wait in misery until it’s unbearable, then whine about it to people who can’t do a thing to change the situation! I ask you, is this sensible?

Martin says it’s because it’s safer—that people here tend to have a group mentality, and don’t like to single themselves out in a crowd. They do things the easy way and avoid confrontation whenever they can. Myself, I think it’s better to have a few moments of discomfort that can nip a problem in the bud than to struggle on in a miserable situation for ages because you are too afraid to say anything about it. That’s what I’ve been doing with the Yvonne situation since I started working here.

I am so very conscious of the way I behave in this country, because I know the reputation that Americans have throughout the world. I have gone out of my way to be pleasant, patient, and kind to people. I don’t want to be seen as “that pushy American,” but I don’t really feel like doing that any more. After several days of analysing things, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being seen as the pushy American—especially if people are going to draw that conclusion no matter what, just because I seem to have a little self confidence and refuse to be treated like a door mat!

I’m a little angry about Yvonne’s comment, as you might have guessed!

I’m getting tired of not blending in. I love England, I really do. It has so many wonderful things going for it. It is a beautiful country with so much history and charm. The people, once you know them, are really warm and generous. But they are standoffish and cold if you are not one of them, and I feel like no matter how hard I try I will never be one of them. Is it so bad to just want to fit in?

One thing that working with Yvonne has made me realise is that I would ten times rather be beautiful on the inside and plain on the outside than gorgeous on the outside and rotten to the core. Inner beauty really does shine through!