Friday, July 17, 2015


Not on the house, unfortunately, but almost as good. Martin has a job!!!

He starts on Monday and will be on a six month contract (through a temp agency) working at a school. Those are the only details I know (plus his hourly wage, but it would be uncouth to disclose that and I am all about being "couth"). I am super proud. He is nervous. We are both relieved.

Today is my last day of work until September, and Martin's first paycheck should come in just after my last one. Thank goodness!

Time to celebrate!

Thursday, July 16, 2015

A second viewing...

The nicest little couple came to look at our house yesterday. One of them I have actually met before--she is a PCSO who works with Lewis. They have pets and hope to have children, and they loved our house. The size, the quirkiness, the enclosed garden, the lot.

They have scheduled a second viewing for tomorrow, and I am kind of nervous about it now. Not that they won't want the house, mind you. I've gotten used to that. I am slightly nervous that they WILL want the house, and that they will make an offer that we are happy with. Because even though the job situation isn't great right now, socially we are having a lot of fun!

Staying in England is looking a little bit appealing right now. We have great friends, a great ward, our kids are settled and thriving in school, and we are comfortable. To be honest, I have always had commitment issues. But when I DO commit, I find it very hard to let go. And I don't want everything to change. What if things get worse?

And yet, what if things get better?

Dad, do you remember that time you took us to the casino in Wendover to show us how gambling "never pays"? You put a dollar in a poker slot machine and won $20. Then you blushed and said, "That NEVER happens, girls." Well, good news. The lesson, though it didn't exactly go to plan, seriously stuck. I don't like to play the odds. Ever!

But for all that, if we DO sell the house in the next six weeks, I will be thrilled about it. I miss my family so much. All of you! It will just be terrifying to leap back into the unknown. I am getting too old for all this nonsense. Too old to start over again!

Ok, my angst filled rant is finished. I'm inventing problems that don't even exist yet. And really, my anxiety isn't that big of a problem. I can always just have my doctor up my dosage of Prozac and crack on. And even if we sold the house tomorrow, we would still have to wait at least six months before we could move. Deep, cleansing breaths. I need to do some yoga!

On another note, I had a girls' night out yesterday. It was weird. We all went out to a pub in Hull together whilst Martin stayed at home with the kids, and we had a GREAT time on our way there. We were belting out power ballads at the top of our lungs and headbanging to "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. Then we got there, and ran into one of the girls' ex-boyfriend's new girlfriends. The one he cheated on her with. Also, the other girl I went with has recently decided to split up with her husband. So there was major drama all night long. Though I still had fun, I went home VERY grateful for my marriage to my wonderful husband. Seriously, how did I get so stinking lucky? Heaven knows I didn't deserve him when I met him, and most days I still don't. But he's still in love with me after all these years, and I am still crazy in love with him, too.

Tomorrow is my last day of work before the kids' summer holidays. It's going to be nice to have six weeks off with the kiddies. Martin has a couple of irons in the fire, so to speak, and he's still picking up barrow joinery jobs. I think we're all looking forward to warm days filled with bike rides, trips to the park to play football, swimming, picnics, and plenty of time at friends' houses. I know Martin and I are looking forward to not doing a school run every day! There is absolutely no dread this year for the long break. I know my kids, and I know they can entertain themselves. Well, Edith can, anyway. I am glad we'll have some time off together. We're all a bit burnt out right now, and it will be great to relax the routines and have a little fun.

I may not post for a bit though, since I hardly ever go on the computer at home and I can't post from my phone. I'll try though, and there will be plenty of pictures on Facebook and Instagram.

See, just typing about summer has made me relax and stop worrying about the possible move. Oh wait, now I am thinking about it again. Anxiety is back.


Friday, July 10, 2015

Simple gifts...

Yesterday I decided to try and focus on all the simple joys that abound in my life. So here they are. Or rather, here SOME of them are:

My warm bicycle seat.
The strength and stretch of my thigh muscles as I ride my bike home
The smell of the flowers on the corner of Marsh Lane and Catherine Street.
The flavour of raspberries, picked from my garden and eaten still warm from the sunlight.
The feel of my hair brushing against my back.
Standing on tip-toes to hang washing on the line.
The look and taste of cherry juice as we picked the fruit.
The gleam of ripe cherries, just waiting to be stoned.
Knowing that those cherries were 100% free!
The extra hug I got from my daughter when she came downstairs to say goodnight.
The soft cotton of my sheets and the weight of my duvet on a slightly cool night.
A good night's sleep.

It's good to have a body.

It's even better to enjoy it.

There was a time when I hated my body, and there was an even longer time when I intentionally dulled my senses. I am still struggling to regain some of the sensations that my body should feel, but I am grateful for the joy that my still strong senses help me experience.

Simple Gifts - Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Thursday, July 09, 2015

The school reports are in...

It's official--Dylan has been listed as a "gifted and talented" student.

And Edith is doing really well, also. Her note from the head teacher called her a "lovely girl." That's true most of the time.

Parents' evening was Tuesday for us, and we had glowing reports from both of their teachers. They have been very impressed with my little darlings, and are very pleased with the academic progress they made.

Dylan's teacher, Mr. Corrigan, was most pleased with Dylan's prowess in Maths. He is already done with the level 4 test, and will be starting next year at the level he should achieve by the END of next year. He's always been good with numbers though--I remember him counting (and understanding the numbers) at the age of about 20 months. Obviously didn't get that from me, but I'm pleased he has the knack.

Mrs. Percy, Edith's teacher, praised her creativity and love of reading and writing. She has imagination coming out of her eyeballs, and can spin a story with great ease. She's not so great with focusing on things, but that's because she is so busy daydreaming. Once she is focused, she is wicked smart.

I keep having these perfect moments with my kids. I'm not counting on them lasting forever, because I know that they will get annoying and I will be short with them. But the first years were HARD! Now, there are times when we are out doing something as a family and I think to myself, "This is what I imagined having children would be like." And those moments are so glorious!

I had one last night, as a matter of fact. Martin was playing 5-a-side football with his friends and it was no-tech day. So after dinner, the kids and I went on a bike ride. We had no errands to run--we went purely for the fun of it. We rode down to water's edge, along the Humber bank, and through the park. Then, on the way home, we found a new cherry tree. So we stopped and picked and ate cherries for about 10 minutes, and had a stone spitting competition. Dylan is getting very good at spitting cherry pits! Then we rode home and the kids got ready for bed. We read scriptures together in my bedroom, then said prayers. Goodnight kisses all 'round, then they went up to bed. And I was so grateful for the blessing that my children are to me.

Motherhood has never set well with me. I don't know why. It makes me feel like less of a woman, to be honest. We are supposed to be loving and nurturing and all that jazz. That's just not me. But I feel like I'm coming to a place with my kids, now that they don't need such constant physical care, where I can be true to myself and still be a good parent to them. I guess I'm realizing that motherhood isn't one-size-fits-all, and though I can't be that caring, selfless, nurturing mom, I can still be a GOOD mom. Maybe even a great one, occasionally. After all, these kids are doing just fine.

Life plods on much the same as usual over here. Work is good, church is good, home is great. Even our social lives have picked up a bit. I've made a few new friends and picked up a few new massage clients, which is nice. Martin is still waiting for his certification papers from the college, so he can't get site work as a joiner yet. But he is picking up a few jobs here and there, and we are managing. Money continues to be a stressful issue, but not a debilitating one.

I'm at work now, and listening to the church clock chime 2pm. It's one of my favourite things about working here--the church bells chiming every quarter of an hour.

I know this will probably jinx it, but I feel weirdly content right now. Maybe it's the fluoxetine talking, but everything seems to be really good. I hope life can stay like this for a little while. Well, mostly like this, but with Martin working full time again.

Only two more weeks of school for the kids, then they will be on their six week summer holidays. Weirdly, I am really looking forward to it. I think they are, too.

Seriously, I think somebody is smoking pot outside my bedroom window at night. I am so mellow. Awesome!