Saturday, October 31, 2009

On cooking (and eating)...

I love butter!

Everything tastes better with a little bit of butter.  Especially vegetables.  Last night I melted butter on my carrots while they were still in the pan, then I used the pan to make gravy.  And I discovered that even gravy tastes better with butter!

When I lived at home, my mom bought margerine.  I think this was more about cost than taste, because now there are only three of them at home she buys the good stuff.  So I never really liked margerine, but I was so used to having it that when I moved into my first apartment and started buying groceries I automatically reached for margerine.  Until one day, which I remember well...

I was standing next to the margerine in the grocery store.  I was about to run out at home, and  I slowly reached out to get some more.  I placed it in my little basket.  Then I thought to myself, "Wait a minute.  I've NEVER liked margerine.  Why am I buying this?"  Then I put it back on the shelf and reached for butter, and I have never looked back.

Why was this such a defining moment for me?  It was almost like a symbolic severing of those apron strings--a manifestation that I was really on my own now.  Not part of my mom's household any more, but the head of my own.

I had a similar feeling the first time I bought my own laundry detergent.

I don't think I could ever be a vegan.  Vegetarian would be tough, but I've done it before and I got used to it after a while.  6 months in the junior bacon cheeseburger from Wendy's broke my resolve.  But give up all dairy products?  NEVER!  My shopping budget is really tight, but I always buy fresh milk, butter, cream, and cheese.  As my mom can't cook without Campbell's "cream of" soups, I am completely unable to cook without butter and cream in the house.

Sounds like we really eat unhealthy stuff here, doesn't it?

You know what's really bad?  I never used to cook with salt, but now I have discovered how much nicer it makes food taste.  I've started using it.  And, sadly, I have expensive taste there as well.  It simply must be sea salt!

We're all going to die of heart disease at my house, but at least we'll go with a good taste in our mouths.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The "character" of the neighborhood...

I was writing an e-mail to someone this morning, and I mentioned Mickey B.  Then I realized that I have never written about him, which seems a bit remiss of me.  Seriously, we see him nearly every day.  Dylan and Edith see him more often than they see their own grandparents!  How can my beloved blog readers not know about him?

Mickey lives around the corner, on Newport.  His house has a red front door, and until about 4 months ago he kept his Christmas lights up all year long.

Mickey also owns a shop, "Mickey B's Fruit and Veg and Fancy Goods."  It is also on Newport, pretty much directly across the street from his house. 

What can I say about this shop?  Just this--it is totally bizarre!  It is in what would have been the front room of an old house, and it is crammed full of all sorts.  As advertised in the name, he sells fruit and veg.  All of it is local and most of it is organic (though he can't advertise it as such because the home growers aren't certified as organic growers).  He also sells little kids toys, sweets, and tins of things like baked beans and custard.  Basically, if you are in the middle of cooking dinner and realize you have run out of a pantry staple, Mickey will have it.  At Christmas he even sells Christmas trees!  And the unique thing about his little shop is that these staples are not over-priced like most convenience shops.  He closes to pick his kids up from school, and will quite often hang a sign in his shop window telling you that he is open--just knock on the door at his house.

He sets up tables on the road outside the shop and sells stuff off the table and the sidewalk as much as out of the house.  Everybody in the neighborhood knows this, and none of us park in front of his shop--except on a Tuesday, because he's closed then and doesn't need the space.  Apparently, he should technically have a street license with what he does, but the police and town council leave him alone.  Why?  Because he is a Barton boy, bred and born.  He's lived here his whole life, has married a local girl, and his kids are both in the local schools.  He is one of the good ol' boys, one of those "salt of the earth" people you hear so much about!

The people in the neighborhood gravitate to Mickey B's to learn the neighborhood gossip and to shoot the breeze. He will talk the ear off anybody who will listen, and he has an opinion on just about everything that he will give to you, whether you ask or not.

Mickey is not someone you would expect to like.  But he learns all of his customers' names, and greets us like long lost friends every time we come in--or even if we just walk by.  He knows everything that goes on in our nieghborhood.  He's broken up knife fights on the street when the police were slow in getting there.  And he says hello to my kids every time he sees them.  He talks to Dylan in a Donald Duck voice, makes him laugh, and gives him sweets.  He tickles Edith to make her smile.  He lets me take veg when I don't have any money on me because he knows me, knows I will pay him the next day, and knows where I live if I don't pay him! :)

So that is Mickey.  He really is a character, and we always like to see him.  Good thing, really, since he's a part of our daily lives!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

So you think you're a "good Christian," do you???

I am not perfect.

There, I said it.  It's out there.  I've aknowledged the fact.

I try to be a good person, but people are people and we all have our faults.  The main thing is, I do try.

I also try to keep my head down and stay out of other peoples' business and other peoples' drama.  At the risk of sounding self centred and selfish, I've got enough of my own that I can totally focus on my stuff and remain (nearly) completely oblivious to others'. 

But, then again, I'm trying to be a good person.  So out of necessity in that regard, sometimes I get involved.

I also happen to be a very opinionated person, and am not shy about sharing my opinions when I feel very strongly about something.  People who know me well might have noticed this about me.

I made a single comment last week, in the presence of someone who I thought was a friend, and she has passed it down to extended (and soon to be "ex") family members, blowing it all out of proportion and making me sound like a horrible person.  ONE COMMENT! 

What I said was, "I can't believe the (insert family name here)'s went on holiday to the Maldives when they just laid (insert their son-in-law's name here) off from his job."

As soon as I saw that she didn't share my opinion, I shut up.  I didn't say another word about the subject for the rest of the drive.  The same can not be said about her.  She wouldn't drop the topic, despite the driver doing all she could to change the subject and me not talking at all.  She has, on a great many occasions, talked my ear off about these relatives of hers.  I have listened to her complain and whinge and criticize them for, quite literally, hours.  ONE COMMENT! 

As a result of this comment and the subsequent gossip about it, I got nasty messages from some of the people who are, after a fashion, involved.  Facebook was not my friend today.

Now I feel like I am the horrible person.  And I was actually expressing sympathy for some other members of the same family.  I feel so icky.  Even worse is the fact that I actually quite like this family--I was genuinely surprised that they did this and wasn't even being "preachy," as accused, about it.  They are normally all about family and do everything in their power to help theirs.

Nothing is worse than being sabotaged like this by someone you thought was a friend.  Especially when it makes you question things you thought you knew about yourself.

AM I a bad person?  I hope not.

Monday, October 26, 2009

An accidental good idea...

Well, this morning wasn't as bad as yesterday.  We got to sleep until 5:15am.  Unfortunately, Edith woke up twice last night for feeds, so it was a short night anyway.  And Martin is working full days this week, too.  Oh well--we'll manage.

I just wanted to write about this GREAT idea that I had last night.  Since the time changed it was dark at about 5 pm (I always forget how far north we are until winter time!).  Right now, Dylan is obsessed with, among other things, flashlights.  So after dinner I suggested we go for a "flashlight walk."

Can I just say, man I am a genius at keeping my kid entertained sometimes?  Dylan had so much fun on our little walk.  We shined our flashlights on all sorts of weird and wonderful things--things that we wouldn't have even noticed if we'd been walking in daylight.  And, by far the best find of the night was a cute little frog about the size of a golf ball.  Sadly it hopped into someone's garden before Martin could catch it and let Dylan hold it.

Saturday was good, too.  We went for a walk even though it was drizzling ever so slightly.  It wasn't a very long walk, but we went to the bus stop and train station so we could watch buses and trains.  We kicked leaves and found some enormous ones that Dylan waved around like they were flags.  Edith just enjoyed the fresh air.

Sometimes, when I have both kids with me, I wish it was just me and Dylan again.  He is getting so fun to play with now, and I have to divide my attention between the two kids now.  But I love Edith, and when she is just a tiny bit older she will be more fun and I can play more freely with BOTH kids.  That will be really nice!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Normanby Hall


The clocks went back today, and although it's not the longest day of the year, it certainly felt like it.  In an effort to wear the kids out and get them back on track sleep-wise, we took them to Normanby Hall after church.  The boys had a good time kicking the leaves, and throwling them and rolling in them, too.  I wanted desperately to join in, but was feeding Edith at the time.  Besides, I didn't really want to interrupt their father and son bonding time.  These two are crazy about each other!






Edith and I got some bonding time in as well, once she stopped feeding and woke up for a few minutes.  She had a rough day and was kind of difficult, but those days are few and far between with her.  She continues to be a joy and a treasure.  She has just started holding her arms up to be picked up, and can now roll from her back to her front on her own.






All in all, it was a lovely day.  We dealt with some light rain showers and wind, but the grounds at the hall were beautiful and the kids got loads of fresh air--always important when the time changes and their schedule is thrown out of whack by an hour!  Can't wait 'til the clocks go forward an hour!

Autumn colors at Normanby Hall...


Edith loved playing with the leaves--she has just started putting things in her mouth, and this stick didn't escape. 

Saturday, October 24, 2009

thinking about love...

I've been married for over 8 years now, and it's good. But I was thinking about my relationships before I met my wonderful Martin. I liked to have relationships with a bit of drama. I loved the break-ups and the fights and making up. I liked grand gestures and the highs and lows that came with them. They made life exciting, and made me feel more alive.

But as I've gotten older, I've realized that exciting isn't necessarily good in a relationship. What I have with Martin is, well, reliable. And while I sometimes miss the drama of a roller coaster love, I'll take that constancy any day!

You can't always choose who you fall in love with. I think most of us have loved someone "exciting" at one point or another, and that doesn't make that love any less real. But you can choose not to be with someone who fills your life with drama instead of sweet, gentle love. You can choose to be with someone who makes you happy instead of excited, because happiness will last a lot longer than the thrill of a roller coaster ride.

I'm hoping that the happiness I found with Martin lasts an eternity!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

An impromptu road trip...

Yesterday morning Martin got a call from a recruitment agency regarding a job he applied for. It's for the assistant manager position at a chain restaurant's Lincoln location, and they wanted him to come in for an interview. In Nottingham.

After some discussion about whether we could afford the petrol or not, Martin said he would go down. So as soon as he got off work we bundled the kids into the car and left. Things didn't go exactly as planned, with Martin missing his exit on the motorway and the center of Nottingham being a mess of one way streets and weird junctions with very poor road signage. But the interview went well and he's made it through the first screening process.

We thought we'd be home about 6pm, but didn't actually make it home until around 8pm (trapped in Nottingham for ages--did I mention that the road signs are appalling?). We stopped at the restaurant he's applied for in Lincoln so he's better prepared for the interview and had a late dinner. I wasn't sure how the kids would do, since dinner was actually after the time that they're usually in bed. But they were fine--quite adorable, actually. I think we can safely say that they were the darlings of the restaurant.

The thing that made me really nervous was that they would wake up at a ridiculous hour and be horribly grumpy. Partially true. Dylan went to bed an hour and a half later than he usually does, and he woke up about 45 minutes before he usually does. But Edith slept until Dylan woke up. So Martin and I are doing our usual shift sleeping, and we are managing just fine.

Absurdly, I was sad that we didn't have any messages on the phone when we got back. We drove halfway to London yesterday and nobody even knew we'd gone.

I have to say, I would love to spend a little more time in Nottingham. It seems like a very beautiful city. And I also have to say, if Martin gets the job in Lincoln we would consider renting the house out up here and looking for something cheap to rent closer to his work for the rest of the time we are in England. I would be kind of sad about that, but it might also be fun. I have always loved Lincoln.

Of course, I am being a BIT premature about this. He hasn't even got his second interview scheduled yet.

All in all, it was a pretty eventful day yesterday.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Mission accomplished...

I made the yummiest dinner last night. It was mackrel fillets marinated in soy sauce, honey and sesame seeds. I grilled them in the oven and served them with noodles stir fried in the marinade and steamed broccoli and asparagus. Martin told me it was "outstanding," and even Dylan ate most of his. Edith had baby food, but she tried (and loved) the mackrel.

I can't believe how efficient I am getting in the kitchen. I usually prep dinner while I'm cooking breakfast and lunch, and can cook a meal and clean the kitchen all at once. My vegetable chopping and peeling skills have improved so much in the last two years it's just insane. I still don't enjoy cooking family meals (although I do enjoy cooking for company) but that's next. It IS very satisfying when dinner flies off the plates.

Apparently, the women that Martin works with think that I am a lazy housewife.

Martin has never said that I am, but he let it slip that it was the general consensus of the three women he works with/for. They told him that he does "too much" at our house, and wondered what I was doing all day that he had to do so much when he got home.

This information didn't sit well with me, as you can imagine. Especially because the opinion was expressed while I was heavily pregnant with Edith and very ill with my asthma. I WANTED to do more to help out, but was physically unable to.

These women have no idea what Martin is like. He is one of those strange people who are totally fastidious about their personal appearance but are totally slovenly in every other aspect of their life. I adore my husband, but that's just the way he is. So they don't realize that just picking up the mess that he leaves in his wake is a full time job, never mind caring for children on top of it. But knowing that his coworkers thought this about me has rankled for over a year now.

I have been striving to do more around the house since then, at a cost to my physical health at times, and yesterday I finally got a little recognition for my efforts. Martin asked what he could do to help me while I was doing dinner, and I told him there was nothing. Just play with the kids. And he told me that he feels useless around the house.

GOAL!!!

Now, if he could just tell that to all the ladies at work...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

My favorite place in the whole world...

It's not home. It's not church or the temple or even my parents' house in Nephi. Where, then? It's IKEA!

Martin is taking some holiday days and we were going to go to Preston and the lakes. But temple accommodation was full and we couldn't find anywhere else to stay that we could afford. Plus, my asthma has been flaring up again and I didn't really feel up to a mammoth trip like that. So we had a lazy morning yesterday and went to IKEA in the afternoon. Oh, I love that place so much!

We got new bed slats in the bargain corner--should retail for £30 for each side, and we got them for £7 a piece. MONSTER savings. The new slats are bowed and should make our bed a bit more comfortable. We'll know if they work the next time Edith sleeps for a longer stretch than 3 hours. And we got a few other clever bits and pieces, and the start of Emma's birthday gift (I'm not giving any hints, Emma, but I think you'll like it!).

Dylan had a great time there, as well. He loved the twirly chairs and trying out every single bed in the bedroom section. Edith, well, she wasn't bothered. I took a few breaks from shopping to feed her, so she was a happy camper. We were there for about three hours, mostly just looking around and marvelling that the designers for IKEA are so clever. I could happily furnish my entire house there. The storage solutions are my favorite--they're just so creative and fun! I found a coffee table that I love. Wish we weren't so broke, because I could spend an absolute fortune there.

Mostly, though, I'm just enjoying having Martin around. He worked on Monday morning, but I had him all to myself (well, I had to share him with the kids but that's OK) yesterday. And I'll have him all day today AND tomorrow. We are trying to pack loads of fun things in to our days off so that it'll tide me over until his next days off at Christmas.

The main purchase of the day was a stool for our bathroom. Dylan has decided that he prefers to stand up to pee, and he's still too short to reach the toilet on his own. He had started having loads of accidents and I think it's because he didn't want to sit on the toilet any more. I'm not really happy about it, because I have to help him with his aim, and it kind of weirds me out. But as long as he stops peeing all over my carpet it will all be OK. I'll deal with it!

The only dark spot on this week is my stupid lungs--and the fact that Edith is having some tough nights. It's funny, because if I was feeling decent it wouldn't be such a big deal. And if I could just get enough rest at night I would feel better. But I can't get enough sleep, so I can't get totally better. I'm stuck in a downward spiral. I wish I was completely healthy!

I remember this guy I went to college with--he had been totally blind since birth. One day I was sitting in the common room at my dorm and having a whinge about my asthma. I said that when our bodies were perfected, the first thing I would do was run a marathon. He said that he'd join me, because for the first time he would be able to run--he'd finally be able to see where he was going! I guess I should be happy with what I've got.

Monday, October 12, 2009

A weird but wonderful surprise...

Edith slept through last night. The wonderful part is obvious. The weird part is that she had next to no solid food yesterday. She had an all liquid diet, and still managed to sleep from 7pm until 5am.

We've had a lovely day today. It didn't involve any television, either. Dylan peed on our floor this morning, and he's not allowed to have cartoons if he has an "accident," but it turned out to be a good thing. We dropped Martin off at his handyman job and then went down to Water's Edge to feed the ducks. I had Edith in the sling and Dylan held my hand (most of the time). It was such a beautiful, crisp morning and there were TONS of ducks.

When we got home, Dylan helped me make cookies. Then it was lunch time, and nap time. When the kids woke up, we read stories together and waited for Martin to come home. Then we drove to Beverly and did some window shopping. Evening brought a temple recommend interview--the real reason we went over. And now the kids are tucked up in bed and I am watching my guilty pleasure--"America's Next Top Model." I became a junkie when Dylan was a tiny baby.

Here's hoping that Edith sleeps through again, because I took a Volmax for my asthma as soon as she fell asleep and really want it to be out of my system before I have to feed her again.

I really love the days that don't involve the telly. The kids are better behaved and I feel like a better mother. It does involve a lot more effort on my part, but it is usually a good time. I'm going to try to do it more often.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Housekeeping tip of the day...

Would it make me a bad parent if I told Dylan he could only pee in the toilet, but if he HAD to pee on the floor could he please make it the kitchen floor? Urine makes my floor tiles sparkle when I clean it up!

Thursday, October 08, 2009

What a little play can do...

We went for a walk today--Martin, the kids and I. We were collecting Kleeneze brochures, but we walked right past a park on our way. Martin asked me if I wanted to take Dylan over to play, and I didn't feel like it but did it anyway. Well, we had a great time!

I pushed Dylan on the swing. I pushed him higher than he's ever gone before. Then we went over to the "big kid" swings and spidered. He threw his head back and laughed and laughed, and before I knew it I was laughing, too. And I realized that my children don't care if the house is clean. They want feeding, but would be just as happy with the simplest of meals as anything else. They don't mind that we don't go anywhere. A trip to the park is as much of an adventure as Dylan needs. Edith doesn't mind just sitting in the fresh air and looking around. I don't have to be a shut in. And I need to remember to play with my kids as often as I can.

I started the day with a determination that it was going to be a good one. And you know what? It was. Not everything got done, but I smiled a lot more than I have been lately. And I loved my family a lot more as well.

Thank you Dylan, for teaching me that sometimes all you need to do is play on the swing and laugh out loud.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Thinking about a day off...

Being a stay at home mom is hard work. Not just for me, either. It's hard work for Martin to have me at home.

We got in a mini argument last night. He works six days a week. Sunday is his only day off, and we spend most of it travelling to and from church and, of course, in our meetings there. I know he only works 3 hours a day on 5 of those days, but it still means we can't go anywhere.

The rare days that Martin has off are precious to me, so I've been looking forward to this weekend with no church meetings for what seems like forever. But we had to tax the car this week and we needed some extra cash. Martin got a "handyman" job, and he was gone all day yesterday.

Being home with my children all day is rewarding and I am mostly grateful that I can do it. But I never leave the house! I cook and clean and wipe bottoms. I feed the baby and get kids down for naps. I do laundry. This is how all of my days go, and it is boring and lonely. I need Martin to have days off so we can go out and do things--even if it's just taking the kids for a walk (still really difficult to do on my own). I need him to help me break the monotony of my every day life, and I struggle when I have a weekend like the last one. He played football on Friday night, which should have been date night. He worked all day on Saturday. And then he worked all day AGAIN on Sunday. There was no break for me. And now he is going back this afternoon to do some more "handyman" jobs for the lady he worked for yesterday. It's not like she's even paying him that much. I get nearly as much for giving a one hour massage as he got for 6 hours of work yesterday (incidentally, I gave one of those on Saturday).

I do know that I chose this for myself. I know it is important for me to be home with my kids right now, and if I worked I would probably tear myself to pieces feeling guilty that they were being raised by a stranger. But I can't go days on end without a change in the daily grind. This weekend means that Martin will be working 13 days in a row, and I feel like a prisoner in my own home. He gets to go to work every day, talk to other adults, have interesting conversations. I love my Dylan, but conversations with a two year old don't tend to be intellectually stimulating. In fact, they currently consist of me talking to all of his toys one at a time.

Martin has a telephone interview for a job this week, and he asked me if I'd be ok if he got a full time job. The answer to that is an unequivocal YES! If he had a real job, he'd probably have two days off a week. We would be able to do stuff as a family again. And those rare days out are such a treat because they remind me why I wanted to have a family in the first place!

But that's enough self pity. I just need to stop whining and clean my house, cook breakfast, do laundry, and feed the baby. After all, I'll miss these days when they're gone. Right?

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Loving black & white and sepia!





The house...





Pictures...


Martin and I disagree about what "matches" when it comes to the kids' clothes. You can always tell when he dresses them! This outfit actually looks pretty good in the photo but it didn't look quite so nice in person. But hey, when you look this cute your outfit doesn't need to match.


Look how long Edith's hair is getting! She enjoys a little cuddle with Tim, the toy her aunt Cathy bought for her. Don't let her serious expression fool you--she actually smiles almost all the time.


She looks so lovely in red, and is sitting up on her own very well now.


Dylan is flexing his muscles. Super strong!


Martin is dreaming about his great escape.

Prayer...

Dear Father-

Please help it be enough for me to be a housebound mother today! Please help me love my children unconditionally and want to take care of them. Help their love to sustain me and help me to be satisfied with the life I have chosen for myself.

Please be with me today--I can't make it through this day alone.

Friday, October 02, 2009

My friend in the kitchen...

I have hated spiders since I was a little girl. I remember the dream that the fear stems from--I had it when my family was living in Bloomington Hills, and I dreamt that I was covered from head to toe in ants and spiders. Since then, well, I squeal like a little girl whenever I see one and all it takes is a glimpse for me to feel like I'm covered in spiders all over again.

But there is a little spider on my kitchen windowsill that has been there for quite some time now. She's about the size of a thumbtack. She has an egg sack on her web that looks like it's going to burst any day, too. She is right about eye level to me, and I sit and watch her while I am doing the dishes. I feel like she is keeping me company while I do my kitchen chores.

I spend a lot of time in the kitchen, and it's nice to know that I've got something to keep me company. I know that sounds completely nuts, but that little spider is keeping me entertained. I might not like it so much when that egg sack bursts and I have loads of baby spiders running around my kitchen, but for now I am enjoying watching her work!

She kept me company yesterday evening while I was preparing dinner for our friend Amy DuBois. Amy is a fellow American. She moved to England 40 years ago yesterday, and I invited her over to "celebrate." We had a great visit. I feel an urge to take care of her--maybe it's that mothering instinct that's starting to develop in me! She is partially blind and has severe arthritis in her hands and feet, yet manages to participate in the community and maintain the sunniest disposition you've ever seen. Seriously, such a lovely woman. She has no family here, and I know she must be unable to cook for herself most days. She looks like she subsists on next to nothing, but she sure tucked away a lot of food last night. I suppose everyone appreciates a home cooked meal every now and again!

Martin is playing football this evening, and I'm missing him. He left at 5:30, so I did bath time on my own. It's not exactly easy now that we have two children, but I got it done. I really hate listening to Edith cry! But I'm genuinely glad that Martin got out. He is always working so hard for us and he deserves a little fun every now and again!