Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The highlight of my day..

...is NOT getting new grass, believe it or not.  It is the song that Dylan sang to me this evening at bed time.  He asked for the prayer song (in a bid to stall lights out and sleep), so I started singing "A Child's Prayer."  He interrupted me and told me it was the wrong one.  He asked for the Jesus coming over song.  I told him I didn't know that one, and that he needed to sing it for me.  So he made up a little 3 line song about Jesus coming to our house in his car.  We talked about all the things we were grateful for (his was the garden fork and his daddy).  Then he told me all the people he loves, and he told me all the people that I love, too.  And he put himself at the top of the list. 

Guess what? 

Tonight, that is probably true.

A fruitful mornings' work!

We were supposed to get our turf on Thursday, but the garden center called this morning to tell us that it was here and would be delivered to our house within the hour.

PANIC!

As you can see, the garden wasn't quite ready for new turf yet.  So we made an emergency phone call to Martin's dad, and he came right over...
But, while we were waiting for him to arrive Martin had a slightly smaller helper.

I took Edith and did the grocery shopping, and came home to this.  What a difference 8 bags of topsoil makes!
The turf went down really quickly.  While they were cracking on with the job, Edith got a nap and I made a pizza.
Now I have a perfect lawn.  We can't really walk on it much for a little while, but I keep opening the back door just to look at it.  Soooooo beautiful!  The garden is going to look amazing this summer.

Gilbert family get-together...

My beautiful babies...

Sleepy little poorly baby.
Snack time...
Edith is really focused on that cheese!
But Dylan is never to busy to SAY cheese!
This is one of the few times these two will happily share.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

So this is how you grow apart...

Martin and I haven't spent longer than 20 minutes alone together since Monday night.  Everybody keeps asking me how he's liking his new job, and I have no idea.  We just have muddled conversations about his work when he gets home.  I'm usually already asleep, because I'm exhausted from the day's exertions.  This is hard, and I can tell that I'm going to have to put serious effort into making my marriage work from now on.
But I think the new job is worth it.

We are having a Gilbert family party today, so hopefully I will be posting some pictures tonight--just for you, mom!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

And by the way...

Edith took her first step all by herself yesterday.  I cried a tiny bit.

And I took her back to the hospital and had follow up X-rays done.  It turns out that her arm IS broken after all, and we will be taking her back to the hospital tomorrow to get another cast put on it!

Warning--may contain some politics...

\At the risk of alienating my dad (who, once upon a time referred to me as a "bleeding heart liberal"), I am going to post some of my feelings on the new health care bill.

I need to issue a disclaimer first:

I have been living away from the U.S. for nearly 5 whole years now, and don't have my finger on the political pulse of the nation.  I haven't been involved in all of the press and publicity of this new bill.  Nor have I read it.  I only know what the BBC chooses to report about it, and what I have seen on various friends' blogs and Facebook notes and status updates.  That being said, I still have some strong views on big government and socialized health care.  You don't have to read if you don't want to.  Really, I won't be offended.  Neither will I be offended if you choose to disagree and leave nasty comments (but please don't be too nasty)!

I've run the gamut of socio-economic situations in the U.S.  My family didn't have much when I was growing up.  Every penny was budgeted.  My dad worked his buns off to provide for his large, voracious family.  We always had health insurance, but we didn't go to the doctor unless we felt like we were on death's door.  My mom would save up unused antibiotics, never finishing a course herself, so she could give them to us when we had an infection and avoid incurring fees and co-pays.  I believe there were many times that she and my dad just sucked it up and suffered when they should have seen a doctor because they quite simply could not afford to go, even though we had insurance!

Later, when I moved out on my own, I didn't take out insurance.  Mostly because I was 21 years old and thought I was invincible.  I was working though, and I had a medical issue that resulted in an uninsured trip to the emergency room.  Let me tell you, the cost was crippling.  I lived on eggs and toast and little else for about 3 months, which was all the time I was allowed by the hospital to spread my payments out without incurring interest on the debt.

I got health insurance soon after that, and later added my husband to that insurance.  It was EXPENSIVE, but we needed it.  On two incomes, we were able to manage some pretty hefty medical bills that came our way.  Even with the insurance, we ended up paying several thousand dollars out of pocket for a bout of iritis and an ectopic pregnancy.

I travelled to the United States and my darling son had a medical emergency over there that we are STILL disputing with our travel insurance provider over.  It looks like things are going to go our way, but if they don't we will have about $8000 in medical bills, incurred over a 2 day period.  Scary!

Now I live in England, and I have been enjoying socialized health care for quite some time.  I am reasonably healthy, as are my husband and children.  I have had two c-sections, which I didn't have to pay for.  I received all of my pre-natal care free of charge.  Up until last year, we had to pay a small fee of around £6.50 for our prescriptions (lower income families receive them for free).  My childrens' check-ups have all been free.  My IUD was free.  My husband's imminent vasectomy will be free.  Childhood immunizations are free, as are prescriptions for my children.  I can take my children to the doctor's office any time I feel it is necessary, and have NEVER had to look at my bank balance first and weigh their health and comfort against my financial situation. 

We pay a lot of taxes in this country.  I paid my fair share while I was working, as did Martin.  When he was only employed part time, despite constantly looking for more work for over a year, government "handouts" were the reason that we didn't lose our house and were still able to feed our family.  Had we not had social healthcare, Dylan would have a massive scar on his face from taking a tumble.  He would have an undiscovered blood clotting condition and heart murmur.  He would have a hydrocele that was undiagnosed and untreated as well.  My daughter would have a broken arm that never got examined or treated.  I would be having countless problems with my asthma.  Honestly, now that Martin is working full time again I am more than happy to go back to paying those astronomically high taxes!

I hear a lot of people going on about how they shouldn't have to fund other peoples' laziness.  I hear a lot about how it's not fair, for me to work so hard so that other people don't have to work at all and can just sponge off the government.  Why should I have to pay because someone else won't work?  Personally, I don't see it like that.

I know there are a lot of people who live off the charity of others, and I know there is no such thing as a free ride.  Someone always has to pay.  But I know those people are already benefitting from government funded health care--it's medicare and medicaid!  The peple who will benefit most from socialized health care are the working poor--the ones who are doing everything they can to make ends meet and just can't quite do it.  The ones who aren't offered company subsidized medical benefits because they don't technically work full time.  The ones with large families who just can't afford the high premiums and co-pays.

I like things to be fair just as much as the next person.  I really do!  But honestly, sometimes people really can't catch a break.  People die every day in the United States because they can't afford to see a doctor.  How can that happen in one of the wealthiest and most developed countries in the world?  The rest of western society is appalled by the lack of social medicine in the U.S. and views it as almost barbaric.  And I kind of think they are right.

I have always aligned myself, politically speaking, nearly down the middle.  I lean to the republican side of things, but certainly not in this regard.  I don't think the government is responsible for all things, but I think it's right that they should be involved in THIS thing.  When people are dying because they can't afford to go to the hospital, the government has a responsibility to step in.  That is why we pay taxes!

I also find it interesting that most of the people who are opposed to socialized health care are right-wing "Christians."  Surely, Christ didn't teach that we should look out for number one and to hell with everybody else.  Am I my brother's keeper?  Well, sometimes, yes.  Especially when he can't take care of himself.  Even when you don't want to!

I don't know the specifics of the health care bill.  I know that the system is flawed.  But I fail to see how regulating an industry that has been taking advantage of people for years is "giving up my personal freedom" or "losing sight of the American dream."  I just don't get it.  When did taking care of someone who is less fortunate than me turn into a thing which, as an American, I shouldn't do?

I guess I just don't get what all the fuss is about...

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

All is as it should be...

Martin is home, and order is restored to the Gilbert family household!

Dylan hadn't seen his dad for 3 days, and he was starting to act up because of it.  He is crazy about his daddy and it's so hard on him when Martin is gone and/or working really long hours.  He's still not totally adjusted to Martin's new working schedule, and all day Saturday and Sunday he kept asking if we could go visit daddy at work.

Martin and I had a long talk about our weekend and we are doing better.  We both got to say what we were thinking and then we kissed and made up.  We also had a really nice day together yesterday--all of us, as a family.  And the bottom line is, that is the way it ought to be.  We are a family.  We knew what we were getting in to (more or less) when we got married and then, subsequently, had kids together.

Plus, Martin has agreed to me (and Emma) going to the day spa here in town, getting haircuts, facials, and soaking in their hot tub.  In three weeks' time we will be kicking back and relaxing in style.  It will cost a fraction of what his weekend cost, but money is not the issue.  Time off is the issue, and I very rarely get it. 

I guess that's the thing that really bothers me--that I'm supposed to be content to go to church activities once a month and, other than that, stay at home and care for children, clean the house, do laundry and play loving housewife.  Basically, I just don't roll that way.  I refuse to be a 1950's style home-making doormat.

In other news, we checked into the cost of topsoil and turf and found out that it won't cost too much now that Martin has a well-paid job.  So we will be getting a lovely, green insta-lawn in the back garden in a few weeks' time.  With two kids, we just can't re-seed.  It will take too long.  I'm beyond excited, and pictures will be coming soon.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

The fun continues...

Got a late night text from Martin (who kindly woke me up from a sound sleep twice last night).  Now he's not going to be home until after dinner time, which makes it 4 days + alone with the kids.  Been up since 4:28 am and naps won't happen because of church.  This weekend just keeps getting better.

Martin knew I didn't want him to go and didn't feel like we could afford it.  He went anyway.  I could hardly tell him no though--not and seem like a semi decent person.  Though at this point, I have to say that seeming like a half decent person is over-rated.

Just need to make it until bedtime, and he has to be home by 7 at the latest because I am scheduled to give a massage.

I think I shall be going to bed at 9pm again tonight.  And hopefully Martin won't wake me up this time.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Irrational?

I am so angry with my husband right now.  He took the day off to go to his friend Steve's "stag do."  No longer just a stag night, because it's a 2 day bender in, get this, Liverpool!  They can't just go on a piss-up in the town where they live, oh no!  They have to go to the other side of the country to celebrate properly, incurring hotel costs, scoring tickets to see live stand-up, costing us over £125, and leaving me on my own with two very young children for what amounts to nearly 4 days (if you count the fact that I was on my own with them prior to that because he was at work).

I know that Martin hasn't done anything like this for years.  I know that he works hard.  I know that it is, technically, HIS money that he is blowing on this.  I know all of these things, and yet I am still angry.

Mostly because of the deserting me with two very small children thing, but also because he took a whole Saturday off to do it, and he won't take a day off for his own daughter's birthday.

Oh yeah, I'm a bit upset about that!

It's going to be a long weekend.  It was just me and the kids all day Thursday and Friday, now we will be on our own all day today and I will have to manage both of them on my own at church tomorrow.  Awesome.

AM I being irrational, or is this anger justified?  You decide, dear reader!  Don't forget to leave a comment and cast your vote.  Should I just suck it up and try to be nice to him when he gets home because I'm out of line?  Or is he being just a wee bit of a b*$%@!d ???

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Growing up...

Is it a sign of wisdom and good common sense that I bought myself some gloves to do the dishes and I now wear an apron every time I cook?

Or does it just mean that I'm turning into a frumpy old housewife?

Edith update:

Her cast came off--slipped right off her arm.  They told us that it probably would so it wasn't a surprise.  But it did the job--kept her from bumping it and hurting herself even more.

She still isn't putting her weight on her right arm, but she is starting to grab things again and using her right arm to steady herself when she's standing up.  But best of all, she's learned to shuffle around on one leg and one knee, just using her left arm for balance.  So she is back to her happy self, and keeps wearing herself out trying to shuffle that way.  She's been taking two naps a day!

Dylan has been amazing for the past week, thank goodness.  He's been helping me tidy up, playing in the garden, trying to make Edith laugh, etc.  It's as if he knows that I need him to be extra good while Edith isn't well.  I really am a lucky woman, to have such fantastic kids.

Martin is settling into his job well.  With each day he becomes more confident in his abilities, and I am so proud of him!  He did his first schedule today, and was really happy that nobody complained about their scheduled shifts.  He also got his first (partial) paycheck, and that makes the job even sweeter.  We've started having a bed time phone call for Dylan so Martin can tell him goodnight, and his days off feel so special now!

Basically, we're all doing well.  I'm not doing any more around the house than I was before, but I'm having to do it without Martin around to keep an eye on the kids.  I'm learning to adjust, and I feel good about the way things are going.  Even though I miss having my husband around, I'm kind of digging on being alone in the evenings.  It's almost like being single and living alone again, only not as much fun.

I've even gotten some sewing done on my "new" sewing machine.  Can you believe that this antique actually works?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Daddy has a day off...

We had an outing today, and it was fun!  Martin had the whole day off, and it was so great to have him with us the whole time!  Unfortunately, Dylan had a little accident.  So not his fault, because we couldn't get him to a public toilet in time.  But he was happy, because he got some new Thomas pants out of the deal.
Unfortunately, our outing started with this...
Edith has a tiny pink cast on.  They weren't going to cast it at the hospital, but I asked them to.  Every time she bumps her arm she just sobs because it hurts so much.
She tried to eat it at first, and is kind of intrigued by the pink.  She was also amazing when they were putting it on.  She only cried for a few minutes.  She's such a trooper!
Even though the doctor said she didn't need that cast, I can already see a difference in her behavior.  She is happy again because she's not in agony all the time.  Hopefully it will transfer to a good night's sleep, because we could all use one!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Martin's job update..

We still haven't had a chance to really talk about his new job.  Just basics, like:

"how did it go."
"ok."
"good."

Apparently, last night was their busiest Saturday since opening.  Martin staggered (with exhaustion, not drunkenness) into our bedroom at about midnight, then went back downstairs to eat some dinner.  NO idea what time he actually got to sleep, which made me feel kind of bad about him getting up early when Dylan woke up.  But I had a rough day yesterday as well, and needed the extra sleep.

Things were fine until about 4pm, to be honest.  Busy, but good.  Hats off to all the single ladies out there that do it all for their kids.  I literally didn't have a second to myself all day.  I was cleaning and preparing meals while the kids were asleep, and Edith still can't put weight on her arm so I have been carrying her around everywhere and giving her lots of cuddles.  I think that on top of the possibly broken wrist, she is also having a growth spurt and teething.  Not a happy bunny!  But that was manageable--just.

We went to visit Martin at work (because he asked us to) and that's when the problems started.  Dylan didn't want to leave his daddy at work.  When we started walking home, he started crying.  And not just a little crying, either.  He was actually hysterical and sobbing so hard that he made himself sick.  He just kept screaming that he didn't want to go home and that he didn't want me to look at him.  He just wanted his dad.

We got home roughly 3/4 mile and 20 minutes later, because I ended up pushing Edith in the pushchair with one hand and carrying Dylan with the other.  NOT fun.  I'm sure it looked like I was abducting a child, and I'm surprised nobody called the police.  Luckily, even if they had it would have been Lewis as he was on duty at the time!

Prayers and dinner seemed to calm Dylan down, and both kids ate well.  Then I put Edith down for a nap because she was really fussy and tired.  I cleaned up, got washing off the line, played catch with Dylan, got everything ready for bath time, and got Edith.  Then the fun began again as Edith screamed all through her bath and then kept screaming while I got Dylan cleaned up and dried and dressed.  Awesome.

Dylan cried again when he got into bed.  Once again, because he wanted his daddy.  I got them both put down for bed, and rushed downstairs to make a lemon meringue pie (never again!).  Edith woke up again at 8:30pm.  So I got her settled again, then rushed downstairs to finish the pie, prepare my lesson for church, do my nails, work out, prepare the pork fillets for mother's day lunch (yes, cooking for my mother-in-law again), and clean up the kitchen.

Martin didn't get home until midnight.  Edith woke up several times again, but we just let her cry this time.  They were short crying jags.

----------------------------------

Wrote that earlier today.  Now it's nearly bed time, and it's been a nice day.  Church was hard because Dylan played up during sacrament meeting, but the day got better.  Video call with mom and dad and Jace, then the in-laws came over and we had a lovely dinner.  The menu was:

Apple and beetroot salad with Wensleydale cheese, toasted walnuts, and a homemade mustard vinaigrette.

Lancashire cheese stuffed pork loin with sweet potato hash, steamed broccoli, and a mustard cream sauce.

Home-made lemon meringue pie.

Delicious!  Hot DANG, I am turning into an amazing cook.

And Martin has been home all night to help get the kids in to bed and keep me company.  I love having him home.  Everyone is happier now.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Poor babies...

Not Dylan and Edith, but Martin and Edith.

Yesterday was Martin's first day at his new job, and I'm pretty sure it went well.  I say pretty sure because we haven't actually talked much about it.  He got home about 20 minutes after I turned my lights out to go to sleep, and we had a few moments of whispered conversation while I was feeding Edith at 1am and again at 4:30am.

Normally we would just let Edith cry for a few minutes until she went back to sleep if she woke up at 1am, but she's not doing very well.

She's been whining for a few days now, and I just thought she was teething or something.  Then, on Thursday night I noticed that she had an absolutely huge canker sore on her tongue.  I thought maybe that was the problem, so I dabbed a little miracle home remedy (alum powder) on it.  She fussed a bit, but the sore was pretty much gone by morning.  Still whining though.

I was making breakfast yesterday morning when Martin carried our whinging little devil in.  He said, "When is the last time you saw Edith crawl?"  He had noticed that she was avoiding putting any weight on her right hand.  She was holding it away from her body and not even using it to grab food.  So we called the doctor and they told us to take her straight to the Emergency Room.

So on Martin's first day of work, he helped me get the kids dressed and bundled in to the car, and I drove us all in to Scunthorpe.  Great timing, really.  I could have done with leaving Dylan at home.  But the new job is more important than my convenience at this point.

Edith was a trooper at the hospital.  Once I knew that it was her hand that was hurting, I could avoid pulling on it and bumping it.  She held really still for her x-ray and let the doctor look at her without kicking up a fuss.  They can't see a break, so are treating it as a sprain for now.  But if she still isn't putting any weight on her arm by Monday they want us to take her to the fracture clinic and they will put a cast on it anyway.  Apparently, broken bones can be really difficult to spot on young children since their bones are really uneven anyway.

She's awake again now, and I need to go get her before she wakes Martin.  I will tell everyone about his new job when I have a chance to talk to him.  So probably tomorrow!  All I really know is that his feet hurt and it was quite busy.  The Stables took as much money yesterday as the Place sometimes made in a week.  He's going to have to get used to working full time again, and it's going to be quite an adjustment.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Musical memories...

Have you ever linked an event to music so closely that just hearing a song reduces you to tears?

In September of 2004 I discovered I was pregnant.  We had been "trying" for over two years with no success, so I was thrilled.  Two years doesn't seem like that long, but when you break it down into individual blocks of 28-35 days, that's a lot of heartache and disappointment.  From the moment I saw those two lines on the home pregnancy test, I was having a baby.  A much loved and anticipated baby.

Well, most of you know that I don't have a 5 year old.  When I went to see my OB-Gyn, he did an ultrasound.  I had no idea how far along I might be, so he wanted to use the scan to determine my due date.  Imagine our surprise when my womb was empty but there was a large mass on my fallopian tube.  Imagine.

Rather than perform surgery, my doctor encouraged me to have a chemical termination.  I went in to a cancer clinic two days later and had methotrexate injections.  Then I went home and cried myself to sleep and waited for my body to start aborting my baby.

Several weeks passed, and Martin and I came to England to visit his family for Christmas.  While we were here, I heard this song:



("F word" alert, for all the sensitive and those reading my blog with young children in the room.)

You have to listed to the whole album to get the back story.  But the chorus just kept echoing in my mind.  Over and over, I heard "It's the end of something I did not want to end.  The beginning of hard times to come.  But something that was not meant to be is done, and this is the start of what was."

I was listening to the Streets yesterday while Martin took the kids to Dads' Group.  I was up to my elbows in dirty dish water, scrubbing brush in hand, when this song came on.  It all came back to me so powerfully, and I wept.

I grieved for a long time over that baby who was not meant to be.  But that little life that never quite made it brought us to England.  And even though I'm ready to come home now, this is where we were meant to be.  So many good things have happened to us here, and I wouldn't change a thing even if I could..

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Top 10 things I never thought I'd say...

Although I don't actually have a list, I'm pretty sure this would be on it if I did...

"Dylan, do NOT wrap that around your sister's neck!"

Thursday, March 04, 2010

Anticipation...

They say that anticipation is half the pleasure, but I don't think that's the case this time.

We woke up on Monday morning to glorious sunshine.  Tuesday was the same.  Wednesday started out a little cloudy, but the skies soon cleared.  And today--well, I haven't been out yet but it looks simply beautiful.  And all of a sudden I can almost taste the lovely English spring and languid English summer.

I am looking forward to long, sun drenched days with the kids.  Martin will be working long hours, so I will have at least three days, usually four, a week totally on my own with Dylan and Edith.  I'm picturing myself in the kitchen, carrying out household chores, with the back door open and those two playing out in the garden.  I'm seeing us going to the park and visiting the grounds at Normanby Hall.  I'm thinking about going berry picking and making jam, feeding the ducks, playing with the Munday children, walking across the Humber bridge, and having picnics and barbeques.

Although I honestly don't want to wish Edith's baby-hood away, I am really hoping that she's walking in the next 6 to 8 weeks.  This could be the best summer yet!

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Edith's first night out...

Martin and I were kid free on Sunday night.  Dylan and Edith spent the night at their Nanna's house.  We didn't do anything exciting as Martin was on call at Rapi, but we rested and I went with him on deliveries.  We mostly wanted a chance to sleep in on Monday morning in the hopes of kicking this cold that we've all had for nearly two weeks.  Well, we slept until 8 am and then I made Martin get up.  We went to Barney's for a greasy full English fry-up and read our newspapers.  Then we went and collected the kids.  Heaven!

It was the first time Edith has spent the night somewhere without us, and she did just fine.  The kids went to bed later than normal and woke up earlier, but Edith didn't make a fuss. 

It kind of makes me laugh, because every time Christine has the kid(s) we warn her that they wake up early and tell her she should get an early night.  And every time she ignores us.  So while part of me felt sorry for her that she'd been awake since 4am when we collected our little brood, part of me wanted to shake her.  I guess maybe she thought that since she'd put them to bed late they would sleep later.  We tried that about a year ago, and it just doesn't work that way with our children.  If they go to bed late, they still get up really early.  They're just really grumpy and, in Dylan's case, very clumsy.

It was so nice to have an evening with just me and Martin.  I really miss those days of our marriage, when it was just the two of us hanging out all the time.  I love my babies and wouldn't change a thing even if I could, but we spent a lot of years without them and that's what I was used to.  I suppose in a few years when the kids are busy with school and extra-curricular activities and friends we will have it back that way.  I'll probably miss having them around, then. 

I guess the grass is always greener...

Anyway, now that we know we can leave the kids overnight without too much trauma, we will probably plan a night away.  Once Martin starts his new job, that is.  You know, when he has days off and is making more money.  I really fancy going somewhere with a hot tub and room service.