Monday, October 29, 2012


Sometimes, I like having children who are ok with the following conversation...

"Kids, you know I love you, right?"


"You know that you make me very happy, right?"


"I'm used to both of you being at school now, and you didn't have school today, did you?"


"I didn't get any 'Mommy time' today, so I'm feeling a bit cross and cranky. It's nothing you did. I just need some 'Mommy time.' Can you be my big helpers by going to bed REALLY well tonight?"


"Ok, good. I love you."

'Love you, too.'

And then they went to bed, no questions asked.

Quite a successful first day of the school holidays. It also involved shopping and making fun Halloween crafts. Awesome!


Been working hard on the house. Here is the result in the piano room. Any suggestions on how to take it up one more notch?

In school uniforms, feeding the ducks at Water's Edge.

She's my tiny dancer!

Halloween disco!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Ladies who Lunch...

Took Edith in for lunch at Stables today, because we had to walk to the garage and deliver the part for our car repair after I picked her up from school. Long walk lugging heavy automotive parts:(

Anyway, Edith and I had a brilliant lunch. She had an omelette and chips. I had a chicken and chorizo burger--bliss! Edith also had some vanilla icecream, and she was really well behaved the whole time.

There was a table full of old ladies right next to us, and they were hilarious. They had a long discussion about which table they wanted to sit at (light and vision issues). They discussed all the menu items one at a time with each other (vision issues again). I loved listening to them trying to pronounce the Italian words. Then they ordered, changing nearly every dish they ordered. When their food came out, one of them helped another cut her food (joint pain). They were so considerate of each others' needs and limitations, and they were having a great time.

I want to be that kind of old lady, and I want to have friends like that. Just not for quite a few more years.

The car should be fixed this afternoon, thank goodness. I miss our car! We live so close to the bus and train station, but the schedules are so limiting. Our little Seat is freedom to me, and I hate feeling trapped in Barton.

I have another therapy session tomorrow, so fingers crossed that I don't have to take the bus to get to it!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

New Blog

Those of you who occasionally look at my Google profile may have noticed that I'm starting a new blog. It's a record of my progress in therapy, which I started yesterday.

So what is my therapy for? Nearly 16 years ago I was raped by my boyfriend. I then stayed with him for quite some time, for several very messed up reasons, and my life has never been the same. My therapy is for PTSD, and I will be delving into and dealing with all of the issues, including sexual issues, that resulted from this event and certain events that followed.

It's going to be a private blog, because it is for ME! Journals aren't really my thing, but blogs are. I will invite people to view it if they want to and I am ok with them, but I felt like I should put up a few disclaimers. So here goes:

This isn't going to be some fluffy little blog about how my kids are adorable/annoying and the neighbors are driving me nuts. This is going to be pretty hard-core. With that in mind, all potential readers should be aware that...

1) I will not be censoring my language. If you can't deal with it, don't read it. Don't even ask.

2) I will not be editing my experiences that are discussed in therapy (as above--this blog is for ME). I'm tired of hiding a whole lot of things, and I need to get them off my chest. For that reason, my parents probably won't be invited to read it any time soon. Love you, Mom.

3) A lot of my issues stem from family dynamics. I ADORE my family--all of them--and any issues that I have are MY fault, but I will probably say some things that may be hurtful. If you don't think you can handle reading them, don't read it! Just know that I love you all and think you are all completely wonderful.

I'm not looking for any sympathy. I'm looking for a way to finally move past this stuff and start living my life more fully and without the use of some pretty horrible coping mechanisms I've developed over the years. It's not going to be pretty, but it's going to be beneficial to me. If you feel like you'd like to come with me on my new journey, feel free to send me a message. I'll be posting probably weekly after each therapy session, and I'll also be posting some back story stuff. It'll start this weekend.

This is going to be dark and a little bit scary, but it could be interesting. And who knows? It could end up helping someone other than just me.

Let the healing begin.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Coming down...

I'm being weaned off my happy pills.


It's not as bad as I thought it would be, if I'm honest. But I've become accustomed to controlling my anger and depression with ease, and I'm having to work at it again.

It's probably not helping that I'm sitting in bed right now listening to my iTunes playlist that I've named "pity party."

Maybe I should go downstairs and watch some crappy sit-com on telly. Hmmm...

Took the kids to the Halloween Disco at the school this evening. Dylan went as a pirate (his Power Rangers costume didn't arrive on time) and Edith was, naturally, a princess. It was a very boring hour and a half, but it was really fun to watch my kids getting down. They love to dance, and they have some awesome moves. Dylan attends an after school wake and shake club so he learns some moves there. Edith is just a naturally gifted dancer and a born mimic.

As always, it amazed me how stunning my daughter is when I put a tiny bit of mascara on her. And let me tell you, Dylan would make a beautiful girl. My children are so gorgeous that it hurts sometimes.

I started my newest therapy last week, and I have another session on Friday. The first session was hard, because it was an evaluation with a new therapist and so I had to talk about some pretty personal stuff with a total stranger. But it was still good. I felt drained afterwards, but lightened as well. It's amazing how opening your mouth and talking about stuff really helps. I've always wondered if it would. I kind of thought that it might make it worse, dredging up the past. But I think I have to stir things up in order to get past them. More on this later--I'm waiting for my husband to proof-read a post for me. He's pretty busy (and very forgetful) :)

Our car is in the shop. One of our belts snapped, but it's not a simple fix. Some housing snapped (I think--little hazy on the technical details) and it's going to be pretty expensive to fix. Luckily, we don't really need a car for anything other than church and my sanity. Hopefully it will be fixed by Wednesday. It happened while we were out on Saturday, but luckily we have breakdown cover. The nice AA man towed us from Normanby Hall to Barton. And at least we were stranded for 2 hours at a lovely place with plenty for the kids to do and a cafe to get them snacks at. It could have been worse.

I just thought of something that'll give me a little pick-me-up. I'm going to touch up my roots and freshen up my red dye job. Nothing perks me up quite so much as a new hair color.

Not quite a natural high, but better than drugs, right?

Pictures are coming, mom. My camera is in my car :(

Friday, October 12, 2012


Doing that asthma attack thing right now, so no DIY has been done for a few days. I'm worried that I will lose my momentum...

Stuff is getting done, though. My piano room is still spotless, for a start.

The kitchen window now has a cute little yellow gingham valance and some home-made artwork. The door has been painted, and about half of my cupboards have been cleared out and organized.

The bathroom walls have been about 90% stripped of artex, and most of it has been re-painted. Just needs a second coat, but I don't want to risk the fumes with my lungs acting up.

The dining room has been deep cleaned, and the mirror re-finished.

My bedroom has been re-arranged and deep cleaned.

The kids' bedroom closet has been half cleaned (the top half).

Loads of stuff has been taken to the charity shop. Loads of stuff has been taken to the tip. Tons of half-finished projects have been finished.

Wow, I'm tired. So let's not mention how much work still has to be done.

In other news, I am in the process of coming off my happy drugs. So far, so good. I'm reducing my dosage slowly, and haven't had any negative side effects yet. The kids haven't been screamed at, and I can still get out of bed in the morning.

I've also had my referral letter through for trauma counselling, and I have confirmed that I want to have the sessions. I should be meeting with a new therapist within the month. Let the healing begin!

Dylan and Edith are doing really well in school. Dylan was even named "Student of the Week," for trying hard in maths even when he is struggling. They are learning number sentences. They are also getting so tall now, and eating us out of house and home. We took them out on their scooters tonight, and they were both amazing! Even Dylan is finally getting some coordination. Hooray!

Martin is currently my hero. He's working long hours, and still helping me work on the house. We've painted the front white, and he's repaired some of the rotten wood work. He helped his dad install an electrical socket on our landing, so the tumble drier is OUT of the kids' room. He's fixed the toilet in the kids' bathroom, as well. He's so amazing. I married such a great man.

So that's the update. Lots of stuff going on, but nothing really exciting.

Except that my lovely sister-in-law just got engaged. That's REALLY exciting.

Saturday, October 06, 2012


When I die, I don't want to end up in heaven. Instead, I'd like to end up in one of those tiny IKEA mock apartments that still manage to look spacious and chic. But it would be nice if the plumbing and electrical appliances worked...

Took the kids to IKEA today, which pretty much IS my idea of heaven now that they are both old enough for the creche. Seriously, yo. A whole HOUR to myself on a Saturday--my most challenging day of the week? And I get to be shopping for it? It totally makes the hour and fifteen minute drive there worth it--being pestered for McDonalds and all!

The kids and I have had a lovely day. No temper tantrums, no crying, no whining, and no emotional breakdowns. And the kids were good, too. We even managed to pick up a Christmas present for Martin that he will love--for a great price :)

Ugh--Christmas shopping. Best get it done early. Last year I was done by mid-November. I think that'll be my goal again this year.