Crisis...

I'm struggling, religiously speaking.

Church is becoming more and more difficult to attend.  We go every week, but Sunday is the only day we can all  spend together as a family and it feels like we're wasting it going to three hours of church (plus the round-trip hour long drive).  I spend the morning on my own with the kids so Martin can get some extra sleep.  Then I spend the afternoon napping so I can recover from the early morning.  We hardly see each other.  And while we are at church, it's an almost constant struggle to get the kids to sit still and be quiet.

We had a lesson a few weeks ago where we discussed our motives for church attendance.  I have been wondering why I go ever since.  Right now I just feel like I go because I always have.  It's just my Sunday tradition, like the way I always clean the kitchen on Thursdays.

Do I feel like a good Christian?  Frankly, no.

I just keep thinking about how much easier things would be if I could be, oh, I don't know, a lapsed Catholic. Church attendance on Easter and Christmas, plus weddings, funerals and christenings.  Sundays to ourselves with no time constraints and the chance to go on the occasional family outing.

Don't worry though, Mom.  We're still going.  Because I know this will pass, and I don't want to jeapordize my spiritual well-being just because I'm tired of not being able to go places as a family.

As Cliff Richard said on Women's Hour, "Having faith is NOT the 'soft option'(Oh yes, now receiving spiritual guidance from an ageing British pop star)."

I will continue to do things the hard way, in the hope that it is worth it in the end.