Gilberts' Fridge

I don't belong there...

Some of you may be aware of my most recent obsessions/addictions. For those of you who aren't, I simply can NOT stop watching birth programs on telly and visiting my online pregnancy message board. They are like drugs to me! But lately, I am feeling a little bit left out of the message board family.

I joined the board late since I was hyper-worried at first that the pregnancy wasn't viable and I would either have to terminate it or I would have a miscarriage. So I missed out on everyone commiserating about the general crappiness of the first trimester. Honestly, I could have joined in then as I was suffering pretty bad.

I joined the message board frenzy during my second trimester, when everyone was glowing and happy and experiencing the "joys" of pregnancy. I kind of got that, but I kept getting sick (remember the insomnia, the sinus infections, the tonsillitis, etc?) and so it wasn't that great for me.

Now, here we all are in our third trimesters (I post on an August birth club board, so everyone is due within four weeks of each other), and that board is rapidly turning into a giant whining board. It's all about "I'm so constipated," or "I am constantly getting kicked in the ribs," or, "You will never believe what my mother-in-law did," or "Somebody please tell me how to get rid of this horrible heartburn," and other such complaints. It's almost not fun to read the messages any more as everyone starts getting really tired of being pregnant.

Here's the funny thing--I am finally enjoying it!

I am really starting to get uncomfortable, but it's only when I start to move. Like when I have to stand up from my desk or get up out of bed. Well, that and when I am sleeping. But I don't seem to have any of the really horrible pregnancy symptoms that everyone complains about. Yes, my feet are swollen. But they mainly just look bad--they don't really hurt. And the baby is really active, but my torso is so long that I've still got a good two inches between the top of my uterus and the bottom of my ribs. I have sore days occasionally, but it's not nearly as bad as it is for what seems like a lot of women!

Don't get me wrong--I am still really anxious to have this baby. I have a feeling that the next 8.5 weeks are going to go really slowly. But I am content with my pregnancy right now. Maybe I should make up a complaint just so I can fit in?

Related, but not really...

Last night when Martin kissed me goodnight he rubbed my belly and said, "I love you two." It was really sweet, but it got me thinking about what we both feel for this baby. I don't know if I love him/her yet--I do know that I am fiercely protective of him and I would never do anything to hurt him. I feel a closeness that is unlike anything I've ever known, and when I feel him moving it makes me happy. But love? I don't know this baby yet. So when Martin says he loves the baby, I have to wonder if he really means it. After all, I have a connection with our unborn child that he doesn't have. Can he already love the baby when it's hardly real to him? For Martin all this baby is right now is my changing body. He feels the kicks and listens to me explaining where the baby's at developmentally, but does he really realize that the baby is there and real and very much alive? Can you love someone who doesn't quite seem real???

But I'm not worried about that. I know that we WILL love our baby, even if that love hasn't quite developed yet.

Parenthood--how, this is going to be huge! My due date is only 59 days away, and our lives are about to change forever. The only thing that I'm not scared about is--scratch that, I'm scared about everything!

How do you raise a child to be normal, happy, healthy, and well adjusted? How do you cope with the demands that child places on you? How do you love a child and give unselfishly to him and still maintain your own identity and life? How is it done?

How is it that these questions never crossed my mind BEFORE I got pregnant?

I'm so not prepared for this!