Not normally a good way to start a post, I know. Usually what would follow would be a "woe is me" rant about how much is sucks to be a parent sometimes. Not this time, though.
When I heard Edith start crying, I went straight up. She's been a bit under the weather lately and so I thought something might be going on. I saw the mess, and started dealing with it. Took her clothes off, held her while I stripped her bed, grabbed some clean pajamas, and took her to my room to sort her out.
I got her cleaned up and changed, and she was just lying on my bed looking at me. I looked at her, and she looked up at me with those eyes of hers, totally innocent yet all-knowing at the same time. And that fleeting but familiar wave of love washed over me. For one moment I loved my daughter with the most pure love imaginable. Cleaning her up and comforting her wasn't a chore. It was a privilege.
We had the most tender moment. I stroked her face until she started to drift off to sleep, then decided I probably ought to feed her as she had just emptied her stomach. So I fed her, but continued stroking her face and holding her hand. By the time she was full, we were both totally content. And I considered myself the luckiest woman in the world.
Being a mother has been hard for the last week or so. I go through periods when I can't stand my life, and they are dark times, indeed. But moments like the one I just had with my daughter bring me back to reality. They make me realize that being a mother IS rewarding. I do enjoy my life most of the time. And I live for those moments of pure love.
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