Ready to talk about it...

Back on New Year's Eve I blogged about my noisy neighbors. More specifically, I blogged about their, erm, intimate life, and the way we can hear it from our bedroom. I didn't write a word that wasn't 100% true, but I wrote it when I was tired, angry, and frustrated. A few days later an anonymous comment appeared, suggesting that the post was inappropriate. Anonymous was right, and I deleted the post immediately. Most of you probably never even read it.


Fast forward three months, and Martin is getting shouted off their property when he goes over to ask if their son can come over and play with Dylan. That was when we found out that our neighbors read my blog.

I felt so terrible. I never meant for them to read my bitter ranting. I sat down immediately and wrote an explanation/apology, and posted it through their letter box. I felt sick for days every time I thought about how stupid and thoughtless I had been.

On Easter Sunday I received a reply. My neighbor told me exactly what she thought of me--my personality, my parenting style, my morals, my husband, etcetera. She said some things that were true. She said some things that were subjective. She said some things that I hadn't even realized. All of them were hurtful. Ultimately, she said that the blog post was just the final straw. Apparently, they've never really liked either one of us.

I struggled quite a lot for the next few weeks, wondering what to make of the whole situation and wondering what to do about it. And in the end it comes down to this: Nothing.

I have to accept the comments that she made, because I deserved some of them. And the ones that I didn't deserve, well, I kind of deserve those ones, too. I was in the wrong, so now I have to accept the consequences.

It's kind of funny, isn't it? The way we can damage relationships without even realizing we're doing it.

It's also funny how much easier it is to live with yourself when you don't retaliate in anger.

Knowing that our neighbors really dislike us hasn't changed anything. We very rarely saw them, to be honest (makes sense, now that we know how they really feel). We are civil to each other, because we're all grown-ups. The only thing we ever had in common is our kids, who were born about a week apart. We are doing our best to be good neighbors, all the same. I'd like to make up for some of the things we've done wrong. I wish they'd mentioned some things sooner, so it wouldn't have ended up like this. But other than the noise issues, they don't factor into our lives enough to matter that much.

One good thing has come of the whole situation. I finally admitted that I am an emotional wreck, and not in a normal way. I am seeing my doctor and we are trying to sort out the issues I am having with my mood swings and, I'm finally going to say it, depression. I should have been able to cope with that letter I got from her, and I really couldn't. Not at all.

So,that's the neighbor drama. It's fading now, but I had to wait ages to post this because I didn't want to write about them AGAIN while I was angry. And I'm really not angry any more. Just full of regrets. But regret is a much nicer emotion to deal with than rage.

Better for the blood pressure, if nothing else!