Another Emotional Breakdown...
Poor Martin--he has had to put up with so many crying jags from me. I've been pretty good since my last major breakdown in York (remember the random crying and saying I didn't want to have an English baby?), but last night I lost it again.
I decided that we REALLY needed to get a hospital bag packed, so we just dove right in and started getting it done. I was just packing the baby clothes--nothing big. I was folding the little dress for if it's a girl and realized that I'll be bringing a newborn baby home in about 6 weeks. I totally freaked out! Martin had to listen to me sobbing like a baby and saying I can't do it. I can't be a parent! He was ever so helpful and loving and reminded me that it was a little late for that. Maybe I should have thought of that BEFORE becoming pregnant?
Anyway, crying and panic lasted about 20 minutes. Then I was fine, just a little bit emotional. And Martin wasn't a total jerk about it. He did hold me and try to comfort me--not just make smart remarks.
The thing is, he's not freaking out at all! He is so calm and placid and unconcerned about the whole thing, and that makes it harder for me. I really don't think he realizes what a huge deal this is yet. I guess, as I've mentioned before, that this baby is so much more real to me than it is to Martin. I do have the added advantage of feeling every move it makes.
So now my freak-out is over, and I can get on with life. Martin asked me if I was finished, and I told him I probably wasn't. I'm sure it'll happen again. I don't deal with life changes that well. Some of you (especially Mom) may remember the little panic attacks I kept having when we were packing everything up in St. George to move to England? Well, this is WAY more huge than that was!
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