Dylan has been having some behavior problems at school. He's been bullying other kids, lying about it, and being totally blase about punishment. He is also refusing to follow instructions.
He does all of these things at home, but not as much as he seems to be going them at school. We had to have a chat with the school's "behavior specialist," Mrs. Cook, on Tuesday. It was humiliating, to say the least.
The thing is, I KNOW why Dylan is acting up. And I told them why he's doing it. Dylan is tired. No, scratch that. Dylan is exhausted. He only misbehaves when he's tired or hungry, and I know he's not hungry. He goes to school on a full stomache and has access to fruit and veggies and drinks while he's there. Up until just a few weeks before he started school, he was taking a 2 hour + nap every afternoon, and he still needs it!
Mrs. Cook wants to arrange a home visit to take a look at our discipline/rewards techniques. I told her it wasn't necessary. We are doing everything right. I am the most consistent parent I know. Seriously, I am! I am not a natural parent, so I analyze everything I do like crazy. I also make sure to encourage my children when they do something well because, once more, that doesn't come naturally either. We do the naughty step. We take away priveliges when Dylan disobeys. We don't allow him to hit or bully his sister or any other kids he comes into contact with. We really are doing everything right. But she still wants to do this home visit, and she encouraged me to seek 2 year funding for Edith to go to nursery a few times a week. She didn't say that it was so she wouldn't develop these same behavior problems, but it was heavily implied.
So how do I make them see that it is just exhaustion that is causing the problems? And how can I resolve the issue? The kids go to bed at 7pm, and they wake up between 5:30 and 6am. We can NOT get them to sleep any later, no matter what we do. I could try putting them to bed earlier, but Dylan will still have been awake for 6 hours when he goes to school and will still need a nap, which he will not take!
The obvious solution is to put Dylan in morning school, but we put him in the afternoon session because otherwise he would never get to see his dad.
So, my question to all the parents out there is this: What can I do to discourage his disobedience and bullying? Where do I go from here?
I know the teachers are not exaggerating. My kid is a monster when he's tired!
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3 comments:
I'm not a mother (yet!), but I have worked with several families having similar issues, and I did share your blog entry with several of my teacher friends looking for advice. I would say if his behavior is truly from exhaustion maybe it would be better to switch him to morning classes for the last half of the year to see if that helps? I know that would mean he wouldn't get to see Martin as much, but if it's just for a few months to test it out, it might be worth it.
Another option would be to allow Ms. Cook (psycho as she sounds) to come in. Although she seems a bit judgmental, she may have one or two ideas that may help some.
What a frustrating situation all the way around, though. :( Hang in there.
As a mother of three and an ex-social worker I would urge you to let Ms Cook into your house. This is for two reasons. Number one is that in the Church we are taught that to teach someone you have to love them and that means getting to know them. When Ms Cook sees that you have a clean and tidy home and that you are discipling Dylan and Edith to the best of your ability she will hopefully take you out of the Chav mother box she has put you in because lets face it the majority of kids at Castledyke children come from "interesting" backgrounds. After she has done this she will treat you like a human being and start working with you to implement better ways of disciplining Dylan because she will know you and him better.
Second of all, however much you dislike our "nanny state" (and it is just that) by not cooperating you are only making yourself appear worse. As a social worker if someone refused me entry into their home alarm bells would start ringing. Cooperation is definitely the best policy. Particularly as I have no doubt that Castledyke have social services on speed dial and while no action may be taken; if heaven forbid Edith or Dylan was to have another visit to A+E, the fact you have a son with behavioural difficulties and an accident prone daughter will be recorded somewhere, and you will find yourself on the other end of some not very nice questions.
No mother is perfect, but I know from experience there is nothing worse than a professional telling you how to raise your own child, but call me and have a moan about said professional and once you have got past that try and take something useful from what she has said and make it work for Dylan.
I love you all.
Emma
xxxx
All great suggestions- I think that ultimately it just comes down to doing what you, as a mother, thinks is best for Dylan (& your family.)
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