He's starting to be embarrassing...

Yesterday I was so tired of being the mom/personal chef/maid/babysitter that I took the kids to get fish and chips so I didn't have to cook.  Plus, I really fancied it. 

Had a couple of really awesome moments in the fish & chip shop.

Well, the first one technically took place just outside the fish & chip shop.  We went to Humber Fisheries (there are 3 places to choose from in Barton) because a) they do the best fish in town and more importantly, b) there was a parking spot right outside so I didn't have to wrestle Edith as far.  At Humber Fisheries they cook their fish to order and it takes about 7 minutes, so after I ordered our meal (2 fish, one chips, small pot of mushy peas, please) we had to wait a while.  I was holding Edith when I felt my arm go all warm and wet.  Oh yeah, she peed right through her diaper.  I told the fish bloke that I'd be right back for my order, and took both kids outside so I could do a diaper change.

There are no facilities in the town center, so I had to change Edith on the front seat of the car (back seat is full of carseats and trunk is full of rubbish).  Luckily, she is still so tiny for her age and fits rather nicely there.  So I was squatting next to the car with some serious plumber's crack (sorry about the visual) changing a wet diaper when Dylan told me, with some urgency, that he had to pee.  Ohboy!

As previously mentioned, there are NO TOILET FACILITIES in the town center.  So I did what any mother of a young boy with shaky bladder control would do.  I told him to pull his pants down and pee on the car tire.  It was pretty dark and there weren't many people around.  But Dylan, being Dylan, can't discreetly pull out his package and pee.  Oh no.  He had his trousers and pants down around his ankles.  And he REALLY had to pee.  Those pants were down south for a very, very, very long time.

So there we were, all three of us exposed to some degree, when I see this lady named Ann walking down the street.  She was one of the regulars at the Place, and is one of the nicest, classiest women I know.  I tried not to make eye contact and finished the business at hand as quickly as possible.  Everyone sorted out, we went back in to the chippy to get our order.  Guess who else was in there?  Oh yeah, it was Ann.  I apologized for the spectacle of my toddler urinating on our car, and she was cool about it.  Said that we'd all been there.  But seriously, how embarrassed was I?

Then, Dylan noticed one of the other customers in the shop.  He had some kind of disease that had caused some serious growths on his neck, face, and head.  My lovely son is so observant and wonderfully verbal, and has NO SOCIAL FILTERS WHATSOEVER!  So of course he asked me, in the clearest, most perfectly understandable and loud English, why that man had spots.  Could this dinner adventure get any more eventful?  Luckily, I was able to distract him by saying, "Some people do, Dylan.  You have a nose.  And I can SEE IT!"  Then we played a delightful game where he hid in the corner so I couldn't see his nose, and then I told him I could see his bum.  He kept turning around in that corner until our order was ready, I paid, and we left.  I tried not to look at the man with spots.

It's a good thing the fish and chips were ridiculously delicious.

I think it might be time to talk to Dylan about what's polite to talk about in public. 

And to teach him how to pee in public more discreetly.