Introspection...

Most of my day is taken up with mundane tasks. I cook, I clean, I feed the baby, I change diapers. I sing and play with my children, I hang clothes on the line, I try to juggle housework and teaching Dylan new things and making sure Edith gets enough love and attention. I am so busy doing these things that I just do them and get through the day.

But sometimes, when I am alone with my beautiful babies and they are drifting off to sleep, I get to take a few minutes and think about the things that happen every day. I get a chance to look at how beautiful they are and reflect on the way they are growing up.

Dylan is more and more grown up every day. He is so happy and intelligent and helpful, and I am starting to see how he will be as he grows up.

And Edith, oh my precious little Edith! She is more beautiful with every passing day. I held her tonight and watched her sleeping, seeing the way she still suckles, even in her sleep. I stroked her beautiful skin and admired the smooth even features. I thought about the way that her growing beauty means she is getting older.

Having a daughter is strange and wonderful. I see her and wonder if she will be like me. If she will make the same mistakes, share the same joys and heartaches. And I know that as she grows more beautiful, my beauty will start to fade.

Dylan's baby days were stolen by my depression after his birth. I spent the first 4 months of his life barely surviving. I want to get that time back, and I never will. So now I want Edith's early days to last forever.

I wonder if my mother had these same thoughts. Did she watch me as I slept and marvel at the wonder of new life? Did she stroke my hair and wish to keep me a baby forever--and at the same time feel so proud of my growing independence and intelligence? Did she vow to do anything she could to keep me safe and happy? Does she look at me now and still see the tiny baby she held in her arms all those years ago?

I still see tiny babies when I look at the innocent faces of my sleeping children. I see them as tiny babies and I feel the most incredible rush of love. I have never felt this way before.