A reflection on August 29th...

Has it really been two whole years?

It seems like yesterday that I was told we probably wouldn't be able to have children, and certainly not without medical intervention. And look at us now!

I remember the night I found out I was pregnant with Dylan. It seriously was the happiest moment of my life. I cried for hours, so full of joy that I felt like I would burst.

I remember feeling him kick and hiccup and roll around while I was pregnant, so excited to see him and hold him that I could hardly wait.

I remember holding and feeding him for the first time, feeling so awkward and unsure and unnatural, but doing it anyway.

I remember bringing him home from the hospital, absolutely terrified about having another human being to be responsible for.

I remember all of it, but it seems like a dream sometimes. Especially when I reflect on the past two years and honestly have to ask myself where the time has gone. Each individual day has gone so slowly, filled with diapers and cooking and cleaning and feeding and seeing to every physical and emotional demand of my Dylan. But put them all together and it has been lightening quick.

Life certainly changed with Dylan's birth, but it is infinitely more sweet. We got to have a tender moment yesterday amidst the manic fun. I went to collect him from the big sand pit to bring him back to the picnic table so we could blow out candles. I held him in my arms and told him I loved him. I asked him if he knew he was my miracle baby--the child I was told I probably would never have--and if he knew how much I loved him. He said yes, and hugged me tight, stroking my back. He didn't even try to wriggle free. And I loved him in that instant with the most pure love I have ever felt. He is my miracle.

August 29th also marks another anniversary--not just Dylan's birthday. That's the date stamped in my passport for our arrival in England. We have lived here for 4 years now. Over half of our married life has been spent here and we are now officially IN year 5 of our five year plan for England. And it sees us just where I wanted to be. Trying to move back home.

I remember how excited I was to move over here. It seemed so thrilling and daring and exotic, living in a "foreign" country. And while it WAS daring, putting everything we owned in storage and moving over here with nothing but two suitcases a piece, it isn't particularly thrilling or exotic.

If there's one thing I've learned (besides to appreciate my own country, flaws and all), it's that life is the same no matter where you are living. It still involves work and sleep and cooking and cleaning, friends and family, love and fights, worries about money, the works! The only thing that changes is the scenery--the stuff on the edges that doesn't matter anyway. My family is my life, and it doesn't matter one bit where we are living.

But my extended family is is Utah, and so that's where I want to be.

Dylan's birthday...

A walk on the Humber Bridge...

Edith is growing up so fast...

Today, sitting up and rolling over, tomorrow, wearing too much makeup and sneaking around with boys. I can hardly wait!

Because I promised mom I would...

I told mom I'd take a few pictures of Edith in her blessing dress and when Laurie and Christine came over last Sunday she wanted a few as well. So we got the dress out and went out in the back garden. Here are the results...

progress?

I remember reading this post



Sunday, April 13, 2008
Things are less gross...

When you are a parent I mean. I never thought I'd be doing a little happy dance over poop, but I did this morning. Izaiah dropped a duece in his little potty this morning, I was so happy I could barely contain my joy. Things are weird after you procreate.


on my friend Becca's blog absolutely ages ago and thinking how funny it was. Now I understand completely!

Dylan has done his business on the potty once and on the toilet once. He has still left us a little present on the carpet both times, but once he realizes that he's, erm, moving his bowels, he stops and waits to finish until we get him in the appropriate place. I think he's still becoming accustomed to the sensation and learning what it means. I am beyond excited, and am starting to see the light at the end of the diaper tunnel. At least for this one! Obviously, I still have at least another year with Edith. But when it comes time to potty train her I will know what I'm doing.

In other milestones, Edith has started sitting on her own really well. Still not well enough that I can leave her alone and sitting. She wobbles and her little head looks like a nodding dog. But she is quite young still and those muscles aren't the strongest in the world. I'm really excited for her to sit up because it makes baby care so much easier when they can sit. Also, it means her hair will grow in over that darned bald spot!

We think Dylan might have had another seizure in the night. But not an unexplained one like the ones at Christmas. We think he might have had a febrile seizure. He had a really high temperature when he woke up this morning, and was really weak and whining and throwing up a lot. He was also really lethargic, which he NEVER is--even when he's tired or sick. It was a lot like the post-ichtyl (sp)phase of his seizures at Christmas. I'm taking him to see the doctor after lunch, and we'll see what he says. We booked him in because with the vomiting and temperature we were a bit worried that it might be complications from swine flu. Now he seems to be feeling better, but I'm taking him in anyway. Better to be safe than sorry--especially when it's free! But don't worry. Like I said, he seems to be doing much better now.

Something interesting about food (again!). Martin was on the phone with our bank last night to see if we could switch our mortgage to interest only for a few months (they said no, incidentally) and he was speaking to a financial advisor about our budget. They went over all of our expenses and said that based on the information we gave them we were able to make full payments so they wouldn't switch us over. But when he told them how much we spent in a month on groceries, they were astounded.

Apparently, we spend about half what the government says is "average" for a family of four. Of course, Dylan is just a kid and Edith is breastfed. But Dylan normally has a hearty appetite and Edith is starting on solids now. And that cost includes our diapers and household cleaning supplies (all I really buy is bleach, baking soda, washing soda, and vinegar). The woman at the bank was so astonished and impressed that she said she wanted to get shopping tips from me.

Are you proud, mom?

Oh, sounds like I have a diaper to change. This day is just awesome! Roll on bedtime. Only 9 hours to go!

Food...

So much of my life revolves around food--shopping for it, preparing it, eating it, and cleaning up after the preparation and eating. Plus there's planning meals, of course! I'd guess about 3 hours of my day are spent focusing on one of these aspects, and of course that doesn't include the extra time when I bake or make stock or something like that. And I'm not counting all the time I spend feeding Edith, either.

Speaking of food, I need to buy some salad cream so I can make a coleslaw for dinner. We're having a picnic dinner with the Mundays so it's ham sandwiches, coleslaw, and brownies (I also have to make those). Maybe a potato salad as well.

In our next house I will definitely be getting a kitchen that looks out on to the garden. Open plan would be best. Then I can keep an eye on the kids during my food related activities!

Waiting for chips with cheese...

Is it weird that I have an easier time of being a full time stay at home mom and housewife when Martin is at work all day?

I was thinking about this today while I cleaned the house and cooked for some friends who joined us for dinner. I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom really well and made a lasagna and home made french bread. And, of course, took care of the kids. Martin was working all day, as he does every Saturday. So I had no help--he got home about 35 minutes before our company arrived.

I think it's because I am still trying to do everything while he is at work. And since Martin works right during my busiest time of day with the kids (lunch and nap time) I end up running around like a headless chicken the entire 3 hours. When he gets home I am absolutely exhausted. When he's gone for 8 hours, I have that entire time to prepare meals, clean the house, shower, make sure the kids are nice and cute and cleaned up, play with them, etc.

And saying that, why on EARTH am I still trying to do all the housework and cook all the meals when Martin is only working part time?

This has just occurred to me.

Hmmmmm...

We had the "curly haired family" over for dinner. Liz is a regular at the Place, and Martin just adores their family. She, her husband Ashley, and their children Jacob and Gabriel all have crazy curly hair, and Martin has really liked them all since he started working there. We've been meaning to have them over for nearly a year now and just haven't gotten around to it. Ashley is working away, but Liz and the kids came over. We loved having them! The kids are just fantastically well behaved and good looking!

Martin had to go back to work tonight, too. He got a phone call at about 4:45 this evening. It was Julia, and she wanted him to come in to work for a private function they were having tonight. She thought Col had asked him, and Col that Julia had asked him. Luckily for them we have no life and he was able to come in with just 3 hours notice on a Saturday night.

Busy weekend. I'm going to watch "House" and then go to bed and hope Martin doesn't wake me up when he comes in. Unless he has chips with cheese!

Our little family...

I decided to share...

I decided to share my new-found magical place with my favorite people in the whole world--my family!

I took Martin and the kids out to the old Adamant Cement factory (Hooray for the internet--I did some research to find out what that old ruin was). They loved it!

Sorry about the breastfeeding picture. I know that nobody really wants to see me feeding my baby, but I loved this photo because it looks like a fake background but it is 100% real!

Dylan's hospital appointment...

We met with a consultant from the Sheffield Childrens' Hospital surgical team on Tuesday. He confirmed the Scunthorpe General pediatrician's diagnosis of a hydrocele but said that they like to give the boys until the age of 3 for it to go away on its' own. Since Dylan is two this month, that means another year of waiting. But I told the consultant that we were planning on moving back to the US before the year was up and that I'd like to have it done before then. He very obligingly moved our appointment to 6 months from now. Nice, huh? He was a really sexy doctor, too!

I still get a little nervous about taking both kids to things like that on my own. It's manageable, but I always worry that I won't be able to cope. But both kids were little angels. Dylan even made friends with a little boy named Miles while we were waiting to be seen. It was adorable. He played nicely while I fed Edith in the waiting area and didn't squirm too much when the doctor was examining his little testicles (well, his one little testicle and his one big testicle!).

By far the funniest thing about the appointment (to me anyway) was when the doctor said that the surgery was cosmetic. I mean, it's a relief and all to hear that his little "PROBLEM" is nothing to be concerned about. But really, can you DO a cosmetic procedure on testicle? How do you make them look "better" short of removing them??? Naked men look so silly!

Dylan is now wearing big boy underwear, "pants" since we are in England, when we are at home. I still put him back in a diaper if we are going out of the house for longer than about 20 minutes and I put one on him for nap time as well, but he's doing great. This potty training thing isn't as bad as I thought it would be. The only problem we're running in to is that he hasn't quite mastered how to pull his pants down before he sits on the potty. He has a tendency to pee through his pants on the potty. But we're working on it, and he's beginning to get it. Hooray!

His bottom looks so small in his jeans with no diaper on underneath.

I got out of the house with a group of ladies/girls from church last night. We went to the cinema. I don't remember the last time I had a girls' night out. It's been absolutely ages--probably the day out with my mom and sisters while we were visiting at Christmas. It was marvellous! Even though I only got 6 hours of sleep, give or take, I feel completely refreshed and energized. I will be making an effort to get out more often, for sure. I think I really needed a night when Martin was stuck in the house completely unable to go anywhere while I was out doing something fun. It made me happy to come home to him sitting in the front room watching telly. The only way I could have been happier is if he had tidied up the house or done the laundry while I was out. But hey, you can't have everything, right?

Edith--well, what can I say? She continues to be an absolute treasure. She is getting cuter every day, and is such a lovely, happy, smiling baby. She had a bottle two mornings ago as well, so she is possibly on her way to becoming the perfect baby.

Must go--I need to get the kids ready for a morning walk to collect Kleeneze brochures. Martin's sleeping his late shift right now and I want us to be completely ready to go when he wakes up in 10 minutes.

Mood swing is UP this week!

More plum jam...

We went to Sheffield yesterday for Martin's last baseball game. It was an OK day--just not much fun for me (as usual). Dylan had a great time and Edith is happy as long as she gets fed. And Martin had fun because he was playing baseball. I got to chase Dylan around and feed Edith, plus pack everything we could conceivably need for a 6 hour outing. Oh, and I got to make the picnic.

We managed to not spend money on anything but petrol to get us there, but I got really angry on the drive home when I realized how much money it cost us to drive there and back. Part of our new budget measures include a limit on the petrol we put in our car, and now I don't have enough to drive us to Grimsby and back tomorrow. I'll have to take the needed cash out of my grocery budget because we HAVE to go. Dylan has an appointment with the surgical team from Sheffield (weird coincidence) about his recommended surgery. Unfortunately, we also need butter and baby rice.

I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who has given anything up because we had children. Logically, I know that's not true. Martin and I are BOTH broke because of the kids. But I devote my entire life to them, and sacrifice all sorts of stuff--time, talents, energy, money, food, sleep, etc. Martin still goes to work, goes out with his friends (though not often, to be fair), and participates in the sport he enjoys. And I am stuck worrying about getting us to hospital appointments and feeding the family because of it!

I was so angry last night that I just needed to get out. Once the kids were asleep, I went for a long walk. I think it was about 3 miles. I walked along the river bank until the sun was setting, and I found the most beautiful spot! It's an old dock, from the look of it. There is an old brick foundation and the remains of reinforced concrete. There are old wooden supports that have been eaten away by the elements. The light was just right, and I would have given anything to have my camera at that moment. I'll definitely be back there--it's just my kind of place!

Anyway, by the time I got home I had cooled off a bit. And Martin had tried to make things up to me by tidying up the house a bit. It was much appreciated! And today has been a good day, even though Martin is at work all day again. The kids went down for naps at the same time and without a big fuss. I am doing laundry and am nearly done washing it all--just needs to dry on the line. While the kids were asleep, I made another batch of plum jam and did the prep for dinner.

I love the days when I can get everything done that I need to!

Martin popped home for a few minutes to drop off the plums that were left in the car so I could make jam. He probably got all suspicious because I answered the door (it was locked and he didn't have his key) in my bathrobe and wouldn't let him in the house. Simple explanation, really. I was in the middle of getting dressed when Edith started fussing to be fed. So when Martin knocked I didn't have my clothes on and grabbed my robe to answer the door. And the house was disgusting so I didn't want him to see it. But he probably thinks I was trying to hide something or someone from him.

Though really, when would I find the time?

a package from grandma...

Thanks for the package grandma! Everything you sent was a big hit. It is always nice to get something from home--especially clothes for Edith that look so adorable on her!

making cookies...

Dylan was my big kitchen helper this morning. I put an apron on him and he helped me make Snickerdoodles. We had a great time--especially eating the ones that we aren't taking on our picnic tomorrow! We almost didn't get any actual cookies though. After I let him lick the beaters he decided he really like the pre-cooked dough (I know, I know. Salmonella from raw eggs. Blah blah blah. Didn't kill me when I was a kid!) and kept dipping the beater back in to get some more! And Edith just sat in her little chair and watched us cooking. She's such a treasure!

Dylan loves shoes!

He likes my high heels, but he LOVES his wellies! Please note the bare bottom. If we aren't going anywhere and I am not too busy, we have potty days. Dylan is getting really good at peeing on his potty, and recognizes when he's going in his diaper now. He will look at me and give me a giant smile, then say, "Mama, I peein'." As for the other, well, he's not quite got that figured out yet. We've only had to clean up a big mess once though, since he goes at about the same time every day. We simply leave him in his diaper until he's done his morning business.

Enjoying a wild harvest...

We went on a couple of little walks this week and picked the plums and blackberries that are growing wild in the hedgerows right now. The plums went into some awfully delicious plum jam, and I made a blackberry and apple crumble with the blackberries. I love that fruit is growing wild right now. We know of a few apple trees, too. I think I'll be making apple sauce and apple pie filling in a few weeks' time!

A Solitary walk...

I went for a little walk last night after the kids were in bed. I watched the sun setting on the Humber Bridge while the tide came in. It was beautiful, and I actually had some quiet time to myself to think. It was the first time I had been out of the house all day.

I am losing myself to my children. My wants and needs and interests are being swallowed up in caring for them. I am so busy making sure they have what they need that the things I need take second place. I will be doing this, willingly, for the next 18+ years. And then they will leave, and I will have nothing!

I look at my mother-in-law, the saintly Christine. She is really busy. She has W.I. and flower club, parchment classes, she is a church warden and involved with the elderly in her community. She is a woman who gave up everything for her children, and is now desperately cramming her life as full of things as she can. Kids left, and left a gaping hole when they moved out. She's rushed to fill it.

Being a mother is EVERYTHING that I am at the minute. What will be left when my babies are grown and gone? They are taking me away--sucking me dry, and not even noticing it. They will drain me of all my ambitions and dreams and leave me just when they start to give back.

I'm sure I did it to my mother as well.

I'm sorry mom! If it makes you feel better, I appreciate it now.

A return to my roots...

There is great pleasure to be found in the rituals of food preparation. Today I made a lovely roast beef dinner. I used potatoes grown in our garden and some fresh garden vegetables. I made gravy from the beef drippings and home made vegetable stock. Everything that went onto our plates had been made by me, and it was very satisfying.

In a strange way, I've enjoyed the last few days in the kitchen. Nothing has been wasted--not even the vegetable peels and beef fat (I roasted my potatoes in it and used it to make gravy). I feel like I'm doing things "properly" for the first time. At least in the kitchen. This must be how my great grandmothers used to cook, only without butchering my own animals and stuff. I can hardly wait to move back to Utah where we can have a bigger garden and grow more of our own veggies and stuff.

All of our friends and family have been really wonderful lately. We've received help of all kinds, which I am really grateful for. You know who you are, and I love you for it!

The biggest surprise came when my friend Charlotte (Beth's mum) showed up on my doorstep with a big bag of home grown vegetables. They have an allotment on a farm near their house and grow all their own organic vegetables. She gave us a zucchini, a couple of yellow squash, some Swiss chard, a gorgeous cabbage, and a load of green beans. It's marvellous because vegetables seem to be the only thing we are struggling to find cheap right now.

So I'm feeling all old fashioned and good about myself for it. And my family are thriving!

blah blah blah blah...

Being poor is getting old! We are managing to get by without going hungry or anything like that, but it is HARD WORK for me in the kitchen!

I'm very glad that I know how to cook. And I like doing things like baking my own bread, making my own stock, and doing home-made pasta. But I like to do those things because they taste better, and I always do them when I have a little extra time. I don't like it that I HAVE to do them now because it's cheaper (and isn't it wierd that the cheaper option is nicer?). Yesterday I spent about 3 hours in the kitchen. That's a lot of time for a woman who doesn't like to cook family meals that take longer than about 25 minutes to prepare.

The cooking thing really is the most difficult part of being tight with money. How do you make your budget stretch far enough? What meals can you make that still taste nice and will fill everybody up and stretch for lunch the next day? Menu planning is a nightmare, while at the same time being a masterpiece of creativity and ingenuity. This week it looks like this:

Monday-we had lasagna because I already had all the cheese I needed for it in the fridge, along with an already opened jar of pasta sauce. To stretch the sauce a bit, I browned my meat with shredded potatoes, onions, and garlic. Then I added tinned tomatoes, grated carrots, and a red pepper. I always do hidden veg in my pasta sause to sneak some down Dylan's throat! Then, I made vegetable stock with the peelings.

Tuesday-Leftover lasagna for lunch and cabbage soup for dinner, using the veggie stock that I made yesterday and the minced beef that I didn't use in the sauce for the lasagna because I stretched it out with potatoes (thanks for teaching me that one, mom).

Wednesday-sandwiches for lunch and a really nice dinner. We have a beef joint in the freezer so I will do roast beef with mashed potatoes, roast potatoes, steamed carrots, and broccoli.

Thursday-hot beef sandwiches for lunch, maybe with some bubble and squeak, and scalloped potatoes for dinner. One drawback to these--no leftovers for lunch!

The rest of the weeks is planned, but I won't bore you with the details. Next week will probably involve roast chicken, then chicken noodle soup, etc.

Seriously, knowing how to cook and how to be creative in the kitchen is a skill I'm so glad I learned. I'm really glad that my mom taught me how to be frugal and that she taught me how to do "housewife" stuff like sewing and cleaning and other basics. They've been such valuable skills to have!

Even with the stress of our current financial situation, we are doing really well. The kids continue to be a joy and a constant source of entertainment. Dylan is doing really well with the potty training, though we haven't really made it more than a casual effort. He likes sitting on his potty and loves getting stickers for his reward. He won't go number 2 on the potty yet, but we're working on that today. I'm a bit nervous about that--really don't want to have to clean THAT off the carpet--but I'm sure it'll be fine.

We've even started planning a tentative camping trip for next month, when our finances won't be so tight. We are thinking about going to the lake district and taking Dylan on some short hikes. Edith will be carried, of course. Most likely by me. But it should be a lot of fun. Planning camping meals can't be any more difficult than planning meals from nothing!

We are taking full advantage of our season pass to Normanby Hall and enjoying the bounties of the hedgerows with wild plums and blackberries. Dylan is having a marvellous time right now, and Edith is blissfully ignorant that anything is wrong.

Speaking of Edith, she is now having banana and baby rice in addition to my milk. And yesterday she tried carrot for the first time (since I didn't have either of the others). She wasn't sure about it at first, but she came around after a while. And she was stuffed full of food last night, so she slept all through the night. She and Dylan woke up at the same time this morning-5:30am. But SHE went back to sleep until 8:20. As of last Wednesday, she weighs 16 lbs. 4 oz!

There will probably be more pictures soon since we are spending so much time outside and it's really beautiful right now. In the mean time, keep those prayers coming for us and our pitiful lack of money. And don't worry--we're doing just fine!

Dylan and Beth sitting in a tree...

Dylan gets to first base with the lovely Beth (which he pronounces "Bess")...


Second base...


He is triumphant, and she is playing coy...


Typical man--he's lost interest...


So they decide to look at ladybugs instead!